Adult Entertainers Excited Obamacare covers Sex Toys

SAN FRANCISCO – A California sex worker known as Siouxsie Q last week held an Obamacare registration drive- which she called the Healthy Ho’s Party- for others in her industry. Dozens of adult entertainers, massage artists, escorts, and dominatrixes attended the event and signed up for the Affordable Care Act, with many expressing relief to have finally found a steady and free supply of sex toys.

“We just couldn’t swing [insurance] in the Bay Area — we’re lower middle class, recent college graduates, in Startup Land trying to make our way,” said Siouxsie Q. When she had shopped for insurance previously, she could only find plans that cost between $400 and $500 a month, none of which offered free dildos or Ben Wa Balls. Thanks to the ACA, however, she and her partner have found health plans on the California exchange that, in conjunction with their government subsidy, will cost them less than $200. “The plan even covers a new strap-on every three months, which is so helpful. You have no idea how grungy those things can get over time.”

Jolene, a volunteer at the Healthy Ho’s Party, discovered that thanks to Obamacare, she will receive a $211 monthly tax credit towards her health insurance, lowering her out of pocket expense to just $36 a month. “I had some difficulty with the website, but I’m used to being patient and waiting until things are up and running,” she explained. “Once it was good to go, I was able to compare things like deductibles, OBGYN networks, and different catalogs of genital jewelry until I found the one that was the best fit.”

In addition to free sex toys, the Affordable Care Act covers contraception, screening for sexually-transmitted diseases, and violence counseling free of charge. Spending taxpayer dollars for comprehensive health coverage of men and women in the sex industry may rub some the wrong way, but individuals at the Healthy Ho’s Party asked people to look at the bigger picture. “[They’re] paying for it anyways. Their tax dollars are going into other programs that deal with the aftermath of not having healthcare,” said a woman going by the name of Maxine Holloway, a sex worker and activist currently working on a master’s degree in pubic health.

“Trust me,” she added. “A couple of free blow-up dolls on the taxpayers’ dime are a hell of a lot cheaper than another syphilis outbreak clogging up the ER.”