TEHRAN, Iran — Outgoing Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today offered NSA-whistleblower Edward Snowden political asylum, saying that he would love to have the international fugitive “crash on [his] guest room futon for a while, until this whole silly thing blows over.”
Ahmadinejad reportedly reached out to Snowden after following the American’s story and realizing that they “weren’t so different after all.” “Listen,” Ahmadinejad told Snowden in an email obtained by Newslo. “You and me? We’re like the same guy. All we want is to show the world that the US government is a giant devil-whore beast. And for that we’re constantly persecuted and isolated, called mean names like ‘the tan midget.’ We’re made to feel unwanted, like outcasts. I know that pain, Eddy. I know it deep in my bones.”
According to the email, Ahmadinejad watched with “dismay and empathy” as Snowden–currently holed up in a Russian airport and trying to find a nation that will grant him asylum–was turned away by country after country, including Germany, Brazil, Ireland, Norway, Finland and Spain.
“I see you’ve made requests to 21 other countries,” Ahmadinejad wrote. “Why wouldn’t you just come to your brother Mahmoud first? I could really use a houseguest. Soon I’ll have to leave office and I’m not sure what I’ll do with myself. Do you like ping pong, Eddy? I was thinking about buying a table…”
Sources say that Snowden–who fled the United States for Hong Kong before unveiling classified information about the NSA eavesdropping program, PRISM–is considering the Iranian leader’s offer. “Edward may have finally found a safe haven, as well as a new best-friend-forever,” said a Wikileaks activist in touch with Snowden. “Right now, he’s just waiting for more details about the proposed arrangement–e.g., will they be sharing a bathroom? And does Mahmoud own an Xbox?”