WASHINGTON — A June 2002 FBI memo obtained by the conservative watchdog group Judicial Watch has revealed that Anwar al-Awlaki, a former cleric and high-ranking member of the al-Qaeda militant organization, spent $2,320 on prostitutes in the Washington D.C. area from Nov. 2001 to Feb. 2002. Although al-Awlaki was not publicly associated with al-Qaeda during this period of debauchery, his actions have still brought great shame to the organization.
One anonymous al-Qaeda member, who asked to be called “Dave,” was beside himself when asked about al-Awlaki’s transgressions. “D.C.?” he asked. “Are you freaking serious? Of all the spots in the States to solicit prosties he picks that lousy swampland with maybe—and I’m being generous here—like twelve hot chicks?” That’s amateur hour,” he added. The poor quality of the prostitutes was confirmed by the FBI memo, which described the girls as “meh” and “sub-par.”
“If I’m dragging al-Qaeda’s name through the mud,” Dave continued, “I’m at least doing it right in Vegas. I’m talking back room at Spearmint Rhino [a strip club] with a bottle of Veuve Clicquot and a whole lot of funny business. Next thing you know I’m back in my suite at The Bellagio with a 22-year-old stripper and a scandal ready to explode. See how easy that is?”
While Dave has continued to focus on al-Awlaki’s choice in escort quality, he has yet to address Al-Awlaki’s choice to solicit women from al-Qaeda’s sworn enemy: America. One FBI member, James Britmon, takes particular issue with this fact. “They pronounce this jihad crap against the West, particularly America; yet one of its guys exhibits a history of paying American prostitutes and they just let it slide? Talk about a double standard.”
Al-Awkali’s history of prostitution solicitation in America ranges from San Diego — where he pled guilty to solicitation in the 1990’s — to a series of Florida-based escort services.
“Who is this guy? The hypocrite police?” Dave asked in reference to Briton’s comments. “Al-Qaeda’s always had a lax policy on getting freaky with American ladies. He should know that by now.” Dave went on to speak about five Al-Qaeda members who were rumored to have paid for lap dances at a Las Vegas nightclub in 2001. “That’s how it’s done.”