Alabama Pastor Calls To Outlaw Viagra: “God Didn’t Intend It To Stay Up For A Long Time”

A preacher in Alabama wants you to know that sex will kill your brain cells, make you homeless and was brought by God as a means of punishing people, so you really shouldn’t be enjoying it as much as you do. “Sex has never been ordained by God,” he says sitting behind two phallic lighthouses. “In fact, it was the first sin, Adam and Eve and the serpent. But like I say, sex is the problem.”

“And that’s why anything and everything associated with that vial act should be kept under lock and key. No, scratch that – it should be confiscated and destroyed. Like sex toys and magazines and condoms and especially Viagra. Because, sex is supposed to be a short-term deal. It’s supposed to serve the purpose of procreation, not pleasure. Therefore, anything that artificially prolongs sexual pleasure needs to be dealt with,” the preacher added.

He added, “And if you start looking at things from that point of view, procreation I mean, then there’s no need for it to last long. God didn’t intend sex to last more than a few minutes, so all those stories you’ve been hearing about making it to the Guinness Book of World Records on the basis of having sex the longest are just pointless. Now, having the most kids – that’s a record to be proud of. But other than that, you don’t need any others, especially not in the bedroom.”

“And that’s why we should outlaw Viagra and any other drugs, medicinal or otherwise, that interfere with basic human biology. It’s bad enough the damn thing was invented so that old people could get it up regardless of the fact that they weren’t supposed to in the first place, but these days more and more young people are also taking it in order to impress their girlfriends and wives. And while I too am a man and can sympathize, I also believe it is causing doing more harm than good. Their health is deteriorating every time they take a Viagra pill, not to mention that they’re committing a sin and will probably go to Hell for it,” the preacher argued.

“And if you need additional proof, just take a look at black people,” he added. “It’s a known fact that they’re generally more endowed than us white guys. But have you ever wondered why that is? Firstly, black women are generally larger than white women, which means black people have to go through more ‘layers for the players’ in order to reach deep enough to actually fertilize the egg. Makes perfect sense, right?”
“And there’s also a theory that God wanted to punish them by bestowing larger ‘equipment’ on them because every time they need to get ready for action, all the blood from their brain flows down into their junk, making them irrational and woozy. And by the way, that’s why teen pregnancies are through the roof these days. Black men just can’t think straight when they get in the mood, and Viagra sure as hell ain’t helping. So, we need to ban that stuff, like, yesterday,” the pastor concluded.

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