DALLAS – The announcement that the CIA is funding a study to see if weather can be manipulated by humans has InfoWars founder and renowned conspiracy theorist Alex Jones both outraged over what he sees as unconstitutional overreach at the highest levels of government and absolutely thrilled that an issue he has been shrieking about for years is actually coming true.
On Piers Morgan Live last night, Jones triumphantly returned to the show where he was once ridiculed to crow over the new program. “I was laughed at when I told you that the Oklahoma tornadoes this spring were triggered by the HAARP antennae in Alaska. Now they are taking the next logical step.” When Morgan asserted that NASA and the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration will also be participating in the study, Jones replied, “That is only the cover story Piers. You know that as well as I do.”
After a brief pause, Morgan did admit that the study seemed odd, at which point an ecstatic Jones squealed, “I know, right? I can’t believe it! All the years of ranting have finally paid off.” Noting that he had been railing about the Oklahoma City bombings, 9/11, and an international financial conspiracy since the 90s, a glowing and relieved Jones said he couldn’t believe this was the one he hit on. “Holy hell – the weather. The weather!”
“It just goes to show,” continued a visibly sexually aroused Jones, ”if you have no faith in common sanity or humanity, you will be rewarded.”
In an interview with The Economist, CIA director John O. Brennan explained that the study will look into ways in which the government might be able to manipulate the weather and reverse the trends of climate change. “And let me be clear: not even for a second will we try to weaponize weather patterns,” he added, with a roll of his eyes.
Brennan also discussed a range of other topics, such as fitness, cooking, and entertainment – noting that he recently watched the SyFy film Sharknado with his teenage son, and felt it had “some really interesting ideas.”