Home US Americans Comforted by Return to Traditional Shootings

Americans Comforted by Return to Traditional Shootings

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA — Millions of Americans are sleeping soundly again this week, lulled by more familiar news stories after the chaos, carnage and catharsis that defined the week prior.

“Pressure-cooker bombs, ricin letters, exploding fertilizer plants…I was frantically googling threat after threat, and it was terrifying,” said Jason Weidman of New York. “I’ve never been so comforted by reading about semi-automatic rifles in my life.”

“’Relief’ is the only word I can use to describe it,” said Marcia Hanley of Stamford, CT, referring to the moment she learned of the Washington state shooting that left five people, including the gunman, his ex-girlfriend and three others dead in an apartment near Seattle on Sunday. “It brought a tear to my eye,” she said. “It meant things were finally back to normal.”

“I was so relieved to report on the shooting at the Colorado pot rally [that sent three innocent people to the hospital],” said Ernie Anastos, New York Fox News anchor. “I mean, hell, we’re at the point where that’s a fun story.”

“It’s sort of like a necessary numbness coming back, after the terrible exposure that was last week,” remarked Ed Norcross, a Baltimore Police officer. “Every shooting brings us a little closer to normalcy, to healing. I think that’s what the nation needs right now.”

Sunday saw a fatal shooting at a Tennessee nuclear plant, even before the Seattle area mass shooting. Throughout the week the nation was assuaged by gunshot fatalities in most major cities, with publicized murders in LA, Baltimore, Oakland, and just outside Wrigley Field in Chicago.

“The thing about traditional shootings is that there’s no symbolism attached to them,” said Norcross. “It isn’t marathons and Patriot’s Day and disturbing ideologies – this is just humanity being vicious, stupid and armed. It’s what we are. Am I a bad person if I find it soothing?”


  1. Best of all, these shooters weren’t Muslims, so it ain’t terrorism. Getting murdered ain’t so bad, I reckon, but being murdered by a Muslim? Well, that’s just awful, ’cause then you’re terror-murdered and not just regular-murdered.

Must Read

Essay Writing Tips for US Students Studying Abroad

Essays writing is maybe the most common assignment of students’ homework. Almost every teacher and professor in the world requires handling such...

Learn about Some Common Instagram Mistakes that Fashion Brands Must Avoid in 2019 & Beyond

Ever since its inception, Instagram has provided brands and businesses the golden opportunity to effectively connect and engage with their target audience...

Points to remember when looking to overcome drug addiction

In a weak moment, out of curiosity or due to something else, you may have ended up getting addicted to a drug....

Every Serious Driving Enthusiast Should Have Up to Date Insurance

For those who usually owned at least one motorcycle, a pickup truck and a car – sometimes two or three cars –...

4 Tips for Successful Debt Consolidation

Debt consolidation is the buzzword today. Besides refinancing, huge purchases, or taking a mortgage, many online lenders provide an opportunity for customers...
Read previous post:
Scientists: Newly-Discovered Earth-Like Planets ‘Hopefully not as Fucked Up as Earth’

WORLD -- Last week, scientists announced the discovery of two new planets in the constellation Lyra that, based on their size...