Americans Lacking Basic Understanding of Probability Disappointed by Powerball Results

TAMPA BAY, Fla. – Thousands of Americans lacking a rudimentary understanding of probability and statistics had their dreams crushed on Wednesday night after learning they hadn’t won Powerball’s record $579 million jackpot. The two winning tickets were purchased Missouri and Arizona, leaving many other Powerball players frustrated at what they perceived to be an unjust outcome.

Leslie Jackson, a nurse from Tampa Bay, Florida, incorrectly assumed herself a shoe-in to win. “If it had to be someone, why couldn’t it have been me?” Jackson reasoned. “I don’t get it, I played all of my kids’ birthdays and my three favorite numbers. I even prayed to god. It just doesn’t make any sense.”

Richard Bryant, a gym teacher lacking a sense of scope and simple reasoning skills from Queens, New York, also expressed frustration at Wednesday’s results.

“I bought twenty tickets, so I thought I had a pretty decent chance,” said Bryant. “I was pretty sure I was going to be a millionaire. I was ready to retire. Now I have to go back to work. It’s total bullshit.”