NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Sales
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
    • Life Insurance
    • Pet Insurance
    • Renters Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • Blogs

Andy Purman’s Pity Party

  • November 4, 2012
  • NewsLo
  • No comments
  • 2 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

Dear Pity Party,

I understand that there is an election approaching, and I am still undecided. I guess I am a political “moderate.” I don’t want Obama to personally steal my guns, but on the other hand I couldn’t stand to see a Mormon in the White House. Who should I vote for?

Mormons chose the wrong religion,
Locked & Loaded & Ready to Vote It


Well, that certainly is a “loaded” question!

I realize that neighborhood kids probably give you a lot of flak for somehow remaining undecided this late in the game. They probably graffiti the side of your car with inflammatory statements bringing your sexual orientation into question, or siphon the gasoline from your tank, and use that gasoline to ignite flaming bags of anthrax on your front porch.

Some just don’t understand how wonderful it feels to have the most powerful people in the country occupy themselves with making you happy for even just the one solid month before the election.

Furthermore, I share your enthusiasm for guns. I have been involved in far too many gunfights with authority figures, though they usually don’t know who I am. Plus, one time, a vicious little monkey escaped from the zoo and somehow made it into my gun locker. I have actually been robbed with my own guns numerous times. But I still feel safer with guns, and that is what I will take into the voting center. For self-defense.

And in the end, you do need to vote – you don’t want to be home come lunchtime on a Tuesday, when those neighborhood kids start smoking in your bedroom and you just don’t do anything because they’re minors and there are more of them than you. You can further appease them by just picking the fair-weather candidate. Sometimes, when things aren’t going right in your life, it just feels good to pick a winner, you know? Unfortunately, this race is still too close to call.

I will say, however, that Mitt Romney nearly lost my vote when – and he probably doesn’t even remember this – he shaved my head and strapped me to the roof of his campaign bus. On the other hand, the Obama administration did have me detained without trial since the end of September. They thought I was plotting a terrorist attack, for some reason.

Well, the stated reason was possession of anthrax. It was all over my shoes.

Hope that helped,
Andrew Purman

Need advice? Send me pics of ur dick [email protected] YOLO smoking weed in your bedroom, Mr. Purman I do not respect u

I’ll do my best to help!

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • Andy Purman
  • Getting out the vote
  • Mormonism
  • Mormons
  • Pity Party
  • undecided voters
  • who to vote for
  • wrong religion
NewsLo

Previous Article
GOP: Government Should Be Small Enough to Fit in Your Vagina 1
  • Politics

GOP: Government Should Be Small Enough to Fit in Your Vagina

  • November 1, 2012
  • NewsLo
View Post
Next Article
Donald Trump Gets Involved In 8th Grade Election, Accuses 12 Year-Old of Being a Socialist 2
  • Politics

Donald Trump Gets Involved In 8th Grade Election, Accuses 12 Year-Old of Being a Socialist

  • November 4, 2012
  • NewsLo
View Post
You May Also Like
how to make money while traveling
View Post
  • Blogs

Proven Ways on How to Make Money While Traveling Full-Time

  • NewsLo
  • August 31, 2019
View Post
  • Blogs
  • Blogs Feature

The Right to Keep and Bear Arms Law in the United States

  • NewsLo
  • April 12, 2018
Toys R Us app
View Post
  • Blogs
  • Blogger's Corner

Can the New Toys R Us App Save The Company from Total Annihilation?

  • NewsLo
  • October 9, 2017
donald trump crazy tweets
View Post
  • Blogs Feature
  • Blogs
  • Featured

Donald Trump Defeat His Own Crazy Tweets: “There Is No Way I Wrote Them My Self”

  • NewsLo
  • August 16, 2017
pilot app
View Post
  • Blogs

Pilot App and the Rise of Online Immersive Experiences

  • NewsLo
  • July 21, 2017
political jargon
View Post
  • Blogs
  • Blogger's Corner

Political Jargon: How to Lighten up the Monotony in 2017

  • NewsLo
  • June 29, 2017
View Post
  • Blogs

4D Planning is a growing planning consultancy and architecture practise in London and Manchester

  • NewsLo
  • December 25, 2016
View Post
  • Blogs

4 Main Reasons Why Many Traders Make a Loss

  • NewsLo
  • October 24, 2016

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy

Input your search keywords and press Enter.