SCARSDALE, N.Y. — Sources indicate that Richie Bell, a 16-year-old resident of Westchester County, will likely spend Thanksgiving considering his many blessings and systematically attempting to discredit them.
Although Bell was born into a loving and stable upper middle class family, he intends to sit quietly through Thanksgiving dinner, scowling at the many members of his extended family and periodically muttering unkind things just loudly enough for them to hear.
Shirking the unconditional love and support of his affable parents, Bell will almost certainly meditate on how he can possibly share such a large proportion of his genetic makeup with such a pedestrian and self-centered group. When informed that it is his turn to share what he is thankful for, the tormented soul is liable to say something predictably sarcastic. In turn, the caustic remark is bound to make his immediate family – who will probably expect an expression of gratitude for his car, laptop, or unwavering supply of nutritious food – visibly uncomfortable.
Once he has had his fill of the succulent feast his family has painstakingly prepared for him, Bell can be expected to retire to his room where he will complain about his hypocritical family to friends on Xbox Live.