PALM SPRINGS, Fla. – Ann Coulter, the right-wing pundit and conservative star, today wrote on her blog that she believes “anyone who watches the World Cup—and especially those who really enjoy it—should be arrested as soon as possible.” Coulter—whose latest book is titled “Never Trust a Liberal Over 3—Especially a Republican”—said that soccer fans pose a “clear and present danger” to the well-being of the United States, and worried that “the longer we let them roam the streets, the sooner our country turns into socialist Europe.”
Coulter, who is also a lawyer, said that “showing an interest in the World Cup is tantamount to plotting a government coup and should be punished as such.”
“We’ve all become a little too lax about what we are willing to tolerate in this country,” Coulter wrote. “Let’s not forget that soccer is a sport invented by non-Americans, and was designed to invade our psyches and weaken our American spirit.”
Coulter’s comments seemed to be building on statements she made earlier in the day. In her syndicated column, she wrote that soccer is “foreign” and hypothesized that “no American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching” the sport.
Her list of grievances with soccer did not end there, however. She also slammed the sport for being too safe, for allowing matches to end in a tie, for restricting players’ use of their hands, and for suppressing “individual achievement”—all of which she says indicates that its fans “do not have what it takes to be real Americans and need to go.”
Coulter argued that her plan to arrest and hopefully deport soccer fans would solve many of America’s woes.
“You want all the illegals gone from this country?” Coulter asked. “Well here’s your solution. Not only will rounding up the soccer fans get rid of all the illegals—it will also eliminate all the ‘newbie-Americans,’ the ones who’ve only been here a generation or two—namely, the ones who have caused every single one of our problems.”
Coulter’s critics charge that she is “making a mound out of a mole hill,” and that her worldview has become so warped and paranoid that she now finds treachery in even the most benign aspects of life. The pundit answered those criticisms today, saying that “there’s nothing benign about radical ball-kickers poisoning our children’s minds.”
“You want to wreck your children’s lives and probably America too?” Coulter said. “Then go right ahead and sign them up for AYSO. But don’t be surprised when real Americans come knocking on your door, looking to clean house.”