Anne Frank More of a Kanye Girl, Experts Say

The note Justin Bieber wrote to Anne Frank in the guest book at the Anne Frank Museum in Amsterdam has stirred up some controversy around the young pop star. It has also inspired some fresh interest in the late diarist’s musical tastes had she been a teen in today’s world. The Internet is abuzz with speculation, and people have become obsessed with what may be one of the most pressing questions of our time: “Would Anne Frank have, in fact, been a Belieber?”

Looking to her diary for clues, experts are able to deduce what artists Anne Frank would have YouTubed and possibly even what she would have named her Pandora stations. Considering the way that Anne closely followed the political upheaval and atrocities of the Nazis’ invasion of Europe and the subsequent Holocaust, coupled with her sophisticated taste in music, experts say Anne Frank’s musical tastes would have surpassed the Biebs.

“We know that Anne Frank enjoyed popular music, so ‘Baby’ might have gotten a few plays on her iTunes,” one expert says, “but as our research shows, Anne would have been more of a Kanye girl.”

It seems Anne’s emotional depth and concern in the world around her would have led her to artists like Kanye West, or perhaps Nas.

“She loved Mozart. She loved Fred Astaire,” says a second expert. “She had a wide range of musical interests. She probably would have been into a little Mumford and Sons, maybe some Death Cab [for Cutie].”

This speculation about Anne Frank’s musical inclinations has inspired these same experts to investigate similar questions— e.g., “What would have been Anne Frank’s Bat Mitzvah theme?”, “Would Anne Frank have been on Team Edward or Team Jacob?”, “Who would be on Anne Frank’s American Idol Top Five Power List?”, “Would Anne Frank post food pics on Instagram?”

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  • Avatar of An person
    An person
    Posted April 23, 2013 at 3:37 pm 0Likes

    …you serious? This is what experts are doing these days? Well that must be a good thing, that must mean that the experts have figured out everything else that actually matters.

    • Avatar of Dave
      Posted April 24, 2013 at 6:57 pm 0Likes

      You do realize this entire website except for the highlighted “Show Facts” sections, is satire, right?

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