Anthony Weiner Weighs New Mayoral Run, Dick Jokes

NEW YORK — Former congressman and one-time New York City mayoral favorite Anthony Weiner, who resigned from office after tweeting photos of his bulging underwear to women not his wife, is reportedly considering returning to electoral politics and being the butt of a million dick jokes.

The surprise announcement came just a couple of weeks after photos of actor John Hamm’s prominent “package” made the rounds of the internet.

Speaking at a press conference, Weiner said, “The publicity surrounding Hamm made me realize how much I missed having my penis in the public arena, and what a contribution the combination of that penis and my name could add to the public discourse of dick jokes.”

Weiner then added, “But my platform to achieve this will be enhanced – not that I need to be enhanced, you’ll recall – as the mayor of New York.  If becoming mayor is what it takes to get my johnson back in the headlines, then I’m willing to make that sacrifice.”

Most political observers had predicted that if Weiner re-entered politics, he would do so in spite of the scandal that caused him to leave office, not in order to rekindle it. Weiner dispelled that notion.

“Sure it was embarrassing at first,” Weiner admitted, during the press conference. “But you know what people remember? I have a big dick! For weeks, constituents who never gave me the time of day as their congressman were treating me with newfound respect and awe. How many men can walk around town and have everyone thinking, ‘Man, the Weiner is ‘hung.’”

Weiner said he missed that sort of attention, as well as all the late night jokes by Leno, Letterman and Conan. “You gotta love when late-night comics are foaming at the mouth over your dick,” Weiner said. “Y’know, you gotta learn to laugh at this stuff. But only if your penis is large.”

Weiner added that his mayoral campaign slogan will play on his now infamous private parts. A poster sports the now famous photo of his underwear, along with the caption, “He Comes Out Swinging. And He’s Got the Balls to Back It Up.”

Asked what his wife thinks about his plan to showcase his penis in his campaign, Weiner responded, “She eats this stuff up.”