CUPERTINO, Calif. – To fervent Apple loyalists, the reported iWatch announcement set for September 9 may seem unbearably far in the future, but fear not, because America’s favorite technology company has announced yet another gadget to quench your Apple fix over the next nine days.
The iWatchWatch, also known as iWatch Squared, will serve exclusively as a countdown clock for the September 9 unveiling of Apple’s iPhone 6 and inaugural smartwatch. Apple CEO Tim Cook unveiled the newest product, which will officially go on sale tomorrow, in front of an anxious crowd at the company’s Cupertino campus.
“It’s not the past or the present that defines us,” said the CEO, pacing leisurely across the stage in his understated Apple uniform, holding an Apple Keynote clicker which he would soon point at the projection screen to unleash an image of something “that would change the course of humanity.
“It’s the future, which is why we embrace it.”
With a simple click, Cook revealed a floor-to-ceiling size photo of the iWatchWatch on the projection screen, precipitating a chorus of whispers and nervous chatter among the audience. The milky white digital watch, devoid of any buttons or interaction capabilities, simply showed a screen reading: “217:44:53,” which, at the precise time of the unveiling, was the amount of hours, minutes, and seconds until the official iWatch announcement on September 9.
“Mind blown,” said Collins Dentrel, a San Francisco resident who has attended every Apple event since 2008. “I was worried, you know, when rumors started to swirl about the iWatch. I kept asking myself: What am I going to over the next nine days to contain the excitement? I needed something, and Apple, as usual, delivered.”
In fact, Dentrel is more excited about the singularly focused iWatchWatch than he is about the iWatch, which will have vast and impressive capabilities, like connecting with Apple’s Health app and controlling lights from inside one’s home.
“The future is now, not nine days from now,” continued Dentrel. “It’s freaking now.”
Apple users like Dentrel may have more reason for excitement, though, as rumors have begun to swirl about the release of the iWatchWatchWatch, more commonly referred to as the iWatch Cubed. The watch, as the name indicates, will count down the hours until the iWatch Squared officially goes on sale tomorrow.
At press time, Apple manufacturers were reportedly racing against the clock – the iWatch Quattro, to be exact – to produce the iWatch Cubed.