NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Sales
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
    • Life Insurance
    • Pet Insurance
    • Renters Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • US

Apple Blames TurboTax Software for $44 Billion Tax Avoidance

  • May 22, 2013
  • NewsLo
  • One comment
  • 2 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple CEO Tim Cook today responded to a Senate investigation that found that the multinational tech giant used offshore accounts and “tax gimmicks” to shelter $44 billion in taxable income between 2009 and 2012. In a press release, Cook placed much of the blame on the TurboTax software, with which the corporation filed its returns—a “shoddy, piece of crap” program “that’s not nearly as intuitive, reliable or sleek as Apple’s fine products,” according to Cook.

Cook — who initially denied that Apple had avoided paying taxes — said that the corporation had filed its returns via TurboTax from about 2005 to 2012. “It was a bad decision,” he admitted. “I mean, even the name should have given us pause. TurboTax? It doesn’t even have the letter ‘I’ in it.” Cook said that a program glitch had “somehow transferred the $44 billion to overseas tax havens, which Apple would never consciously use to protect revenue from taxation.”

“Honestly you guys—we really meant to pay our fair share,” the press release continues. “It’s just that TurboTax, having not been conceived and designed by the brilliant minds here at Apple—by far the greatest, most innovative company in world history—is a lesser, pedestrian piece of software, one that robbed the American people of billions of dollars in tax revenue. Shame on you, TurboTax—shame on you.”

TurboTax executives declined to defend themselves against Apple’s accusations, saying that Apple “has a lot of extra money lying around right now, which might be used to put out contracts on our heads.”

Cook said that although Apple will not transfer funds currently stored in overseas banks back to the United States — which would leave them vulnerable to taxation — he can promise that TurboTax “will never cheat the American people this way again.”

“Right now,” Cook said, “our R&D team is working on software that will make TurboTax—that dog turd of a program—unnecessary. By tax day next year, every new Apple product will come preloaded with iTaxes, Apple’s new tax-filing program, the only tax software to automatically make deductions for your CEO’s Lear Jet.”

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • APPLE CEO
  • Apple CEO Tim Cook
  • Apple SEO o
  • Apple Tax Dodger
  • Apple tax plan
  • News
  • news humor and satire
  • Newslo
  • Tim Cook on taxes
NewsLo

Previous Article
#NoNeedToSatirize: Bachmann: God will ‘answer our prayers’ and repeal Obamacare with a ‘miracle’ 1
  • NoNeedToSatirize

#NoNeedToSatirize: Bachmann: God will ‘answer our prayers’ and repeal Obamacare with a ‘miracle’

  • May 21, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
Next Article
Vito Lopez Blames Harassment Charges on Overly Picky Women 2
  • New York

Vito Lopez Blames Harassment Charges on Overly Picky Women

  • May 22, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
You May Also Like
best franchises to own
View Post
  • US

5 of the Most Lucrative & Best Franchises to Own in 2020

  • NewsLo
  • March 16, 2020
ted cruz religion refugees
View Post
  • Featured
  • Politics
  • US
  • US-Feature

Ted Cruz News: “Helping Texans Is Not Like Helping New Orleans, Hurricane Sandy Was Righteous”

  • NewsLo
  • August 28, 2017
rand paul news
View Post
  • Featured
  • US
  • US-Feature

Rand Paul: “We Don’t Care If Trump Is Found Guilty Of Cheating During Election, He Legally Has The Power To Pardon Himself”

  • NewsLo
  • July 25, 2017
ken ham tax
View Post
  • Featured
  • US
  • US-Feature

Ken Ham: “God Owns All Of Earth And Everything On It Anyway, So Why Should He Pay Tax To Himself? It’s Pointless”

  • NewsLo
  • July 23, 2017
Trump: “Pastor Robertson Is A White Humanity Lover And The Fact That He’s Not Allowed To Say That About Me Is A Violation Of Religious Rights Freedom” 3
View Post
  • Featured
  • Religion
  • US
  • US-Feature

Trump: “Pastor Robertson Is A White Humanity Lover And The Fact That He’s Not Allowed To Say That About Me Is A Violation Of Religious Rights Freedom”

  • NewsLo
  • July 14, 2017
Trump Compares Ivanka To Syrian Children: “She’s Also Suffered A Lot As My Daughter, Had To Move Between Countries All The Time Just Like Them” 4
View Post
  • US
  • Latest Lies
  • Today's Headlines
  • US-Feature

Trump Compares Ivanka To Syrian Children: “She’s Also Suffered A Lot As My Daughter, Had To Move Between Countries All The Time Just Like Them”

  • NewsLo
  • July 9, 2017
allan parker
View Post
  • Featured
  • US
  • US-Feature

Allan Parker: “God Intervened And Prevented Trump’s Mother From Having An Abortion So He Would Become President And Put A Stop To It”

  • NewsLo
  • July 8, 2017
C-SPAN Caller Calls To Outlaw Single Moms Because They Are “Taking Us Back To Caveman Age When Men Just Bred Women” 5
View Post
  • Featured
  • Health
  • US
  • US-Feature

C-SPAN Caller Calls To Outlaw Single Moms Because They Are “Taking Us Back To Caveman Age When Men Just Bred Women”

  • NewsLo
  • July 5, 2017
1 comment
  1. Irwin B. Platzner says:
    May 22, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    Great satire!!! Sharing on The Platzner Post Facebook https://t.co/udqcbjU270 ,and Twitter https://twitter.com/ThePlatznerPost

    Log in to Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy

Input your search keywords and press Enter.