Apple Strudel® Unveils New iPastry 5

PALO ALTO, Calif. — Apple Strudel, Inc. CEO Tim Cookie held a press conference over the weekend to announce the release date of the highly-anticipated iPastry 5 – the latest in the company’s popular iPastry series which features larger breadcrumbs, a thin, sleek pastry jacket and unprecedented access to the apple cinnamon-raisin filling.

“This is the future of baked goods” Cookie said of the product during the presentation, “It’s thinner and lighter than our previous pastries, and boasts state-of-the-art advancements in vanilla-custard technology.”

Stockholders and members of the press gawked in amazement as Cookie pulled the iPastry 5 from his pocket and waved it around, showcasing its chic, in-vogue design and renowned whipped-cream interface that has helped make Apple Strudel the world’s most valued company.

The smartpastry will debut on October 31st, and as of press time pre-order sales have already topped 200 million. The debut marks Apple Strudels’ first major release since the death of CEO and co-founder Steve Globs, who was lost to a fatal combination of diabetes and high blood-pressure last year.

“The iPastry 5 is going to revolutionize the industry – again. It will be the most prodigious consumer product to hit stores in recent memory,” said market-analyst Robert Saks, who has been following Apple Strudel’s rise to the top since the company released the still-popular SnackBook Pro in 2006.

But now the iPastry series claims more than two-thirds of the company’s profits. And while the iTart, the iPie, and the SnackBook series remain infallibly popular, Wall Street insiders maintain Apple Strudel’s stock would never have skyrocketed to the top if it wasn’t for the iPastry.

“After the iPastry 4S came out – it was just Apple Strudel, Apple Strudel. They were trading at $800 a share, I couldn’t believe it,” said venture-capitalist Bruce Tealsy, who invests in iPastry topping technologies.

Apple Strudel last made headlines after filing a lawsuit against competitor Sweetsung, claiming the Tokyo-based company violated intellectual property laws in the development of its Almond Croissant S3. The rival smartpastry is similar in design, but runs on Google Crème and boasts an egg-based operating system. Sweetsung faced a similar incident in 2010 when once-promising mobile-pastry maker Blackberry Cobbler filed suit, insisting the Croissant S2 lifted recipe components from its Blackberry Cobbler Bold and Touch series.