Arkansas Outlaws Mothers Naming Their Babies

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Basking in the glow of overriding Democratic Governor Mike Beebe’s veto to pass controversial legislation banning abortions after 12 weeks last week, Arkansas state legislators quickly went back to work and passed a bill restricting the ability of mothers to choose the name of their newborns.

“It’s clear to us that women are not capable of making good choices and are determined to ruin the lives of their babies,” proclaimed State Senator Eddie Joe Williams. “Now that we made sure mothers can no longer kill their babies in the womb, we had to take the next step and protect these innocent lives from the permanent scarring that can occur from any choice the mother might make, including naming her flesh and blood something stupid. Like, say, Barack.”

The “Naming America for a Brighter Future” bill has gained incredible traction with the conservative bloc since being introduced, and passed yesterday in both houses over a veto-threat from Governor Beebe, allowing history to repeat itself. The bill penalizes women for naming their children with a $2000 fine and up to six months of jail time. Additionally, it places the power of naming the State’s children with a bi-partisan committee to be created at a later date.

“The choice of a child’s name is not something that should be entrusted with an overly-emotional woman who has just given birth. I mean those girls are all jumpy and crying when they’re on the table with their legs spread,” explained State Representative Homer Lenderman. “No, it’s the proper matter for a politically-crafted committee that has never seen nor will ever see the child in question. Preferably one made up entirely of men, who are better at making choices than women. The last thing we need is another damn Bryttanniey.”

“We don’t take this matter lightly,” asserted State Assemblywoman Mary P. “Prissy” Hickerson, “I’ve seen babies named Peter when they were clearly a Nathaniel. What was the mother thinking? My experience over the years is that when given the freedom to choose, women often choose wrong. It’s better for the world when a baby that looks like a Bobby Joe, is named Bobby Joe.”

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74 Comments

  • Avatar of Joanne Stevenson
    Joanne Stevenson
    Posted March 19, 2013 at 11:45 am 0Likes

    Is this real?? I’m having a kid in 2 months and I wnat to name him. I’m thinking John or maybe Patrick. Do we need to get them approved first? Please let me know. Maybe I’ll rush to have the kid before the law goes into effect.

    • Avatar of Dave
      Dave
      Posted March 31, 2013 at 9:57 pm 0Likes

      Name your kid Fanacor. Fuck All Nazi Arkansas COnsertative Republicans

    • Avatar of Vicki Vinson Dalton
      Vicki Vinson Dalton
      Posted April 1, 2013 at 2:03 am 0Likes

      LMAO

    • Avatar of Jane Do Re Mi
      Jane Do Re Mi
      Posted April 1, 2013 at 2:44 am 0Likes

      What’s your problem? This is what you’ve prayed and worked for. Get lobotomized on Fox and let this insane people make laws like this about you and your baby. Too bad you voted against the Liberals who would have let you name your baby as you liked.

    • Avatar of seriously?
      seriously?
      Posted April 9, 2013 at 10:36 am 0Likes

      your not a very smart human being if you have to honestly question weather news on a site called news make up, which claims to be the best thing since real news, is real or not….

  • Avatar of The Observer
    The Observer
    Posted March 19, 2013 at 3:23 pm 0Likes

    Welcome to Arkanistan.

    • Avatar of Arkansas Native
      Arkansas Native
      Posted March 19, 2013 at 4:27 pm 0Likes

      Could you imagine how bad it be if Huckabee was still governor???

      • Avatar of The Observer
        The Observer
        Posted March 19, 2013 at 5:46 pm 0Likes

        No man’s (or woman’s) life, liberty, or pursuit of happiness is safe while the Arkanstani Majelis is in session. If That Man from Florida was governor I would tell my kids to move to Massachusetts.

        • Avatar of Newsmakeup
          Newsmakeup
          Posted March 21, 2013 at 10:24 am 0Likes

          Massachusetts?????

  • Avatar of brenda black
    brenda black
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 10:00 pm 0Likes

    It is called Newslo because it is MadeUp….Like Fox news

    • Avatar of Joanne Stevenson
      Joanne Stevenson
      Posted March 20, 2013 at 10:42 pm 0Likes

      Fox News isn’t made up though Brenda, you must be a crony for the liberal media.

      • Avatar of David
        David
        Posted March 27, 2013 at 10:09 pm 0Likes

        Joanne, you’re an idiot…

        • Avatar of Joanne Stevenson
          Joanne Stevenson
          Posted March 28, 2013 at 5:03 pm 0Likes

          No David, you are an idiot. You see stupid liberal argumentor, when you don’t have facts you just are talking bad about a person. No argument so you lie. Hannity told me last night about your kind.

          • Avatar of David
            David
            Posted March 28, 2013 at 6:14 pm 0Likes

            ^ Learn to construct a sentence properly, then I’ll talk to you. Refer to my previous comment…

          • Avatar of Joanne Stevenson
            Joanne Stevenson
            Posted March 28, 2013 at 8:27 pm 0Likes

            David, your just not all informed!!! End of story!! David, you obviously are member of the liberal elite. Get off your couch sometimes and turn on fox for FAIR AND BALANCED NEWS, not that jibber jabber you watch.

          • Avatar of Steve Sachen
            Steve Sachen
            Posted March 28, 2013 at 8:39 pm 0Likes

            @a104320de465e902ae60f113f7d0fd07:disqus Either your a troll or an idiot, or both.

          • Avatar of David
            David
            Posted March 28, 2013 at 11:14 pm 0Likes

            * you’re

          • Avatar of Joanne Stevenson
            Joanne Stevenson
            Posted March 29, 2013 at 9:32 am 0Likes

            DAVE, r u one of those people who think they know da language but don’t?? It sure seems like it. You’re?? Who da hell says “you’re”??? You’re Idiot, does that even make sense? Liberal!!!

          • Avatar of Brenda
            Brenda
            Posted March 31, 2013 at 1:24 pm 0Likes

            Ha!! You really are an idiot! You don’t even understand correct grammar!

          • Avatar of Joanne Stevenson
            Joanne Stevenson
            Posted March 31, 2013 at 4:42 pm 0Likes

            No Brenda your the libral idiot!!! I can’t wait to call into Rush tomorrow and tell him about you. He’s so right about libral’s and their failings to make argumentsa. When you cant handle the facts you just demean da peopl. Brenda it’s going to be okay.

          • Avatar of Julia Lee
            Julia Lee
            Posted March 31, 2013 at 7:54 pm 0Likes

            XD, Joanne, you’re killing in here. Though clearly not a lot of people have caught on to your game. 😉

          • Avatar of Joanne Stevenson
            Joanne Stevenson
            Posted March 31, 2013 at 10:10 pm 0Likes

            @facebook-100003623195657:disqus WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?? What do you watch MSNBULLSHIT? Hannity speaks the truth and thats why you don’t like him.

          • Avatar of Jonathan Scott Spicer
            Jonathan Scott Spicer
            Posted April 1, 2013 at 7:43 am 0Likes

            Sean Insanity has never spoken the truth in his entire life,nor has Bill O`Really,Rush Limpjaw,or Glen”I want my Mommy”Beck!

          • Avatar of Vicki Vinson Dalton
            Vicki Vinson Dalton
            Posted April 1, 2013 at 2:00 am 0Likes

            Guys, I’m still thinking this is a spoof and not a real person’s feelings or thoughts. “I can’t wait to call into Rush tomorrow to tell him about you.” This sounds very much like a canned commentary. I don’t think people threaten to “tell on you” to Rush…

          • Avatar of Wayne Alan Blood
            Wayne Alan Blood
            Posted April 27, 2013 at 9:56 pm 0Likes

            Try again, Joanne. Here’s a cheat sheet – you’re, liberal, arguments, can’t, the, people.

          • Avatar of Dave
            Dave
            Posted March 31, 2013 at 9:53 pm 0Likes

            Joanne is a Nazi! Deprogram yourself from the Fox Nazi Channel soon.

          • Avatar of Joanne Stevenson
            Joanne Stevenson
            Posted March 31, 2013 at 10:11 pm 0Likes

            @Dave your what we at Fox call a Stupid blind liberal. Have a good one!

          • Avatar of OldUncleDave
            OldUncleDave
            Posted April 1, 2013 at 2:20 pm 0Likes

            Congratz on the successful April Fool’s Day joke. You sure fooled a lot of people.

          • Avatar of Dave
            Dave
            Posted March 31, 2013 at 10:19 pm 0Likes

            You go and enjoy those Nazi rallies. Heil Hitler! Nazi biotch.

          • Avatar of Vicki Vinson Dalton
            Vicki Vinson Dalton
            Posted April 1, 2013 at 1:58 am 0Likes

            But, Joanne, you do have a problem with the language: spelling, punctuation, sentence structure. That doesn’t necessarily make you ignorant or stupid; more likely, you are rather uneducated which is completely different.

          • Avatar of Jason Tuel
            Jason Tuel
            Posted March 31, 2013 at 9:22 pm 0Likes

            really

          • Avatar of Joanne Stevenson
            Joanne Stevenson
            Posted March 31, 2013 at 10:12 pm 0Likes

            @facebook-531767393:disqus Really? Go get a life you liberal.

          • Avatar of Vicki Vinson Dalton
            Vicki Vinson Dalton
            Posted April 1, 2013 at 1:56 am 0Likes

            Hey, you guys, do you think Joanne is just a troll making this stuff up as she goes along? I’m not sure this is a “real” person… you know what I mean? She’s regurgitating Fox propaganda is an unreal way… I don’t know about this. Seems a little too pat for me.

          • Avatar of Anne Egan-Plaizier
            Anne Egan-Plaizier
            Posted April 30, 2013 at 10:46 pm 0Likes

            It is probably Sean Hannity’s alt.

          • Avatar of Anne Egan-Plaizier
            Anne Egan-Plaizier
            Posted April 30, 2013 at 10:45 pm 0Likes

            Joanne, I am not part of the liberal elite and even I know Fox News tells lies. I have seen it. They even won a court case that allowed them to tell lies.

          • Avatar of Adam Brummer
            Adam Brummer
            Posted March 31, 2013 at 9:30 pm 0Likes

            You are lost Joanne. Your counseling sessions with Mr. Hannity are nothing short of malpractice.

          • Avatar of Vicki Vinson Dalton
            Vicki Vinson Dalton
            Posted April 1, 2013 at 1:54 am 0Likes

            HANNITY??? lol LMAO

          • Avatar of unbeliever1
            unbeliever1
            Posted April 6, 2013 at 10:46 am 0Likes

            If you listen to fox (the Nazi news channel) you are the one without the facts.

          • Avatar of Russell Gitlitz
            Russell Gitlitz
            Posted April 17, 2013 at 6:35 pm 0Likes

            Joanne……shut yer GOB…you’re just embarassing yourself

          • Avatar of Pragmatic_Hermit
            Pragmatic_Hermit
            Posted May 7, 2013 at 10:34 am 0Likes

            Joanne, you ARE an idiot. And a gullible one at that.

      • Avatar of Rodney Levenduski
        Rodney Levenduski
        Posted March 31, 2013 at 9:05 pm 0Likes

        Joanne: FOX is so full of made up stuff they have become the prime contributor of that comedy show “The Daily Report” and the farm review “Picking up last night’s bullshit”.

      • Avatar of Threenotch
        Threenotch
        Posted March 31, 2013 at 9:18 pm 0Likes

        Y’all can you not recognize satire when it is standing on your toes? Funny stuff Joanne, but you gotta take the fish off the hook now …

      • Avatar of Tina McCulloch
        Tina McCulloch
        Posted March 31, 2013 at 9:30 pm 0Likes

        oh my gosh! Fox “News” is so made up that other Countries won’t allow it to broadcast. Canada for one because they say it is a news commentary show not a News station. BIG difference!

        • Avatar of Joanne Stevenson
          Joanne Stevenson
          Posted March 31, 2013 at 10:12 pm 0Likes

          @facebook-100000251494649:disqus Candada? Your bringing in Canadia that’s like not even a real country. You probably are part french Tina.

          • Avatar of Vicki Vinson Dalton
            Vicki Vinson Dalton
            Posted April 1, 2013 at 2:02 am 0Likes

            LMAO… see what I mean? “She” can’t spell and the remarks are idiotic. Someone is playing us….

          • Avatar of only in murica
            only in murica
            Posted April 9, 2013 at 10:33 am 0Likes

            or you could actually call the country by its proper name CANADA not your made up only in murica bull shit name for it. Its not canadia nor will it ever be….

      • Avatar of Russell Gitlitz
        Russell Gitlitz
        Posted April 17, 2013 at 6:33 pm 0Likes

        frigging nit wit

  • Avatar of missmajikk
    missmajikk
    Posted March 24, 2013 at 1:02 pm 0Likes

    seriously, this can’t be real!!!! Did we just regress 1000 years…WTF

  • Avatar of Jayaydee
    Jayaydee
    Posted March 31, 2013 at 7:53 pm 0Likes

    April Fools Day?

    • Avatar of Julia Lee
      Julia Lee
      Posted March 31, 2013 at 7:56 pm 0Likes

      XD It’s a good one, whatever it is.

  • Avatar of Adam Brummer
    Adam Brummer
    Posted March 31, 2013 at 9:26 pm 0Likes

    Is this the Onyun ?

  • Avatar of His Royal Highness Alex The II
    His Royal Highness Alex The II
    Posted March 31, 2013 at 11:56 pm 0Likes

    Joanne, you cracked me up.

  • Avatar of Bill Brucato
    Bill Brucato
    Posted April 1, 2013 at 10:08 am 0Likes

    Happy April Fool’s Day!

  • Avatar of stamford3
    stamford3
    Posted April 1, 2013 at 10:44 am 0Likes

    It’s clear to me that people like Mary Prissy Hickerson should have been given an IQ test before she was allowed to represent her state and cause such monumental embarrassment to the people she represents. And how does she dare to presume to tell women how to name their babies.

  • Avatar of Virginia Kemp
    Virginia Kemp
    Posted April 1, 2013 at 11:11 am 0Likes

    You’re means You are, Your means Your… I can’t quite put off the effect I want in text, but you get the idea…… Joanne Stevenson is a troll.

    • Avatar of Anne Egan-Plaizier
      Anne Egan-Plaizier
      Posted April 30, 2013 at 10:49 pm 0Likes

      Your is opposite to mine.

  • Avatar of OldUncleDave
    OldUncleDave
    Posted April 1, 2013 at 2:22 pm 0Likes

    You know things are bad when satire is mistaken for reality.

    • Avatar of Pragmatic_Hermit
      Pragmatic_Hermit
      Posted May 7, 2013 at 10:37 am 0Likes

      Things are bad, aren’t they. Whats scariest about this is that it’s expected. That in itself is the worst.

  • Avatar of Irwin B. Platzner
    Irwin B. Platzner
    Posted May 6, 2013 at 7:14 pm 0Likes

    Great satire!!! Sharing on The Platzner Post Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ThePlatznerPost,and Twitter https://twitter.com/ThePlatznerPost

Comments are closed.