ORLANDO, Fla. – Executives for SeaWorld Entertainment today announced that they will soon begin downsizing their workforce of sea-dwelling animals by up to 40 percent. The company—which owns 11 theme parks in the U.S.—explained that “budget concerns” raised by the looming implementation of Obamacare is to blame for the “thousands of hard-working sea creatures who will soon be living on the streets—or, if they’re lucky, the sewers.”
Terry W. Prather, president of SeaWorld Orlando—the company’s largest and most visited park—said that firing animals like sea turtles and beluga whales is “the hardest part of [his] job,” but maintained that the company “had no other choice.” “Everyone knows that Obamacare is going to greatly harm the business world, and SeaWorld is no exception,” Prather said. “We simply can’t afford the luxury of multiple Shamus anymore.”
When asked to name specific provisions of the Affordable Care Act that will harm SeaWorld’s bottom line, Prather demurred, saying only that the company can’t afford the skyrocketing cost of fish-feed or “to provide every turtle and penguin with birth control.”
Large parts of the Affordable Care and Patient Protection Act—a highly complex piece of legislation colloquially referred to as Obamacare—will be implemented October 1, nearly three years after the bill’s passage. Many businesses fear that their insurance expenditures will increase under the law, and several companies, including SeaWorld, have been cutting jobs or hours for their human employees in anticipation of the laws effects, although many experts believe the ACA will be good for business overall.
Ben Little, an expert on animal workers with the Institute of Animal Labor, said that SeaWorld’s decision represents the largest single layoff of marine life employees in American history. “We’re talking about thousands of fish, mammals and amphibians suddenly without gainful employment, all thanks to Obamacare,” Little said. “That law’s greatest victims are these animals, who want nothing more than to look incredibly cute, do awesome tricks, and be able to feed their families in the process.”
Katina, one of the starring orca whales at SeaWorld Orlando who received her waterproof pink slip this week, did not respond to repeated requests for an interview; but her trainer, Mary Ann, said Kalina’s dorsal fin has been sagging, a sign of whale depression. “She’s just worried about signing up for unemployment benefits,” Mary Ann said. “Whales don’t do very well in crowded government offices.”
7 comments
So the fact that shares are dropping, and that #Blackfish is a success has nothing to do with it? My concern now though is the lay-offs…where will they go??
What they are doing is wrong on so many levels to begin with. SeaWorld, owned by Anheuser-Bush the beer company is probably realising that. I am wondering what they are planning to do with the captive sea mammals. I suppose it is too much to expect that they will release them back into the ocean areas that they ripped them from. Shame on you Sea World, promoting yourselves as conservationists, while in reality you are ecological terrorists in my opinion.
SeaWorld is lying. Blackfish has affected their bottom line and they are blaming health insurance. Well, they should be giving good health insurance as their employees jobs are very dangerous! It is also a lir these marine animals want to be in a show–these shows are unnatural and they use food to bribe them to work and withhold food if they don’t perform.
I hope they aren’t bringing Katina here to Marineland in Canada. We know the owner John Holer is in the market for another Orca.
Lol what a joke. Terry Prather how do you sleep at night? You are endangering your employees by keeping those whales. It takes #blackfish and increased health insurance cost increases
This article, as well as all the other ‘facts’ are satire. Surely you don’t think that SeaWorld is going to dump their animals back in the ocean? It’s all done tongue-in-cheek. Didn’t this one story above “Zimmerman Family to Star in TLC Reality Series, ‘Killing it with the Zimmermans’ give it away?
Hahahahaha, good one! Very creative to blame Obamacare instead of a turning tide of disgust towards captivity!
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