AURORA, Col. – To celebrate the reopening of the Century 16 movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, where last year, 12 people were slaughtered and 58 others injured in a devastating massacre, owners of the theater complex, this week, sent free tickets for the happy event to all massacre survivors.
When survivors responded with outrage and disgust, Aurora theater managers resolved to work a little harder and promised to make this, “a weekend the survivors will never forget.” “We may have been a bit off target at first… ya know – missed the bull’s-eye, but we aim to have a bang-up time this weekend, and shoot – we hope our audience does as well.”
“We’re back and open for business!” they crowed, “and on this somber reopening, we hope that everyone, including each and every shooting victim that can make it, comes out for some good old-fashioned Hollywood fun!”
Films on deck for the celebration include: “Taxi Driver,” “Rambo – first blood,” and three lousy Charlton Heston movies.
To further demonstrate their appreciation for victims of the tragedy, at all showings this weekend, any survivor who was shot below the waist will receive a deluxe popcorn, (with or without topping), and one medium sized soft drink.
Victims who were shot above the waist are being offered a family sized nacho platter, two large soft drinks, and a box of movie bites.