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New Study Links Coffee To Anti-Patriotism

After a total of 48 hours into the experiments 53 of the test subjects were vocalizing their angst and clearly held contempt towards America.

FBI Mandating Curfew for Creative Writing Teachers Gone Rogue

The FBI has yet to respond to the statement, as a curious case of severe writer’s block has overcome everyone in the public relations department.

33 Amazing Things Congress Did This Year

"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think." - Milton Berle

Rising Vaccine Prices Force Docs to Tell Kids: Polio Will Make You Stronger

Dr. Robert Stack told Newslo. “FDR didn’t get vaccinated, and he was president for, like, a thousand years.”

Brazil’s Loss in World Cup Voted ‘Saddest Televised Death Since Ned Stark’

"Definitely sadder," said Patricia M. of Brooklyn. “Ned's death was more shocking, I think, but at least he fought until the end."

U.K. Cigarette Companies Vote to Ban Doctors for Anyone Born after 2000

“Their ban means nothing… it’s not law, and for that matter, neither is our vote. It’s all just a big pissing contest, if you ask me.”

4 Adorable CIA Tweets That Totally Make Up for the Times They Overthrew Foreign Governments

We can neither confirm nor deny that this is our CIA list.

Tyler Perry To Turn Trademark “What Would Jesus Do?” Into Reality TV Show

One employee working on the project, who asked to remain anonymous, told Newslo that “all of the challenges are based on stories from the Bible. After this interview, I actually have to order about 10,000 locust eggs. "