Facebook Friend Constantly Backpacking Through Europe Finally Dies in Sudden Avalanche

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OBERHALBSTEIN ALPS, Switzerland — Your Facebook friend who has been relentlessly posting obnoxious pictures of their never-ending backpacking tour through Europe thankfully died in a rare, isolated avalanche near the Splügen Pass yesterday, according to Reuters. The victim, with whom you shared a few classes in college and who was barely an acquaintance, has been polluting your news feed for years with…

Leaked Obama Video: “I didn’t know America took ‘Yes We Can!’ so literally”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Secretly-recorded video footage of President Obama was leaked on Friday morning, revealing the shocking truth behind the infamous “Yes We Can” and “Hope” mantras of his historic 2008 campaign. The footage, taken backstage at this year’s Democratic National Convention, depicts the president preparing for his speech while aides adjust his tie and his top campaign advisor, David Axelrod, converses…

Tebow Confesses to Fascination With Grass

EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — Tim Tebow revealed in a press conference yesterday that his signature one-knee stance we have come to know as “Tebowing” is not a personal shout-out to God but rather just a deep, profound fascination with grass. “It’s just so green,” he told reporters outside Newark Airport. “And I don’t understand how it grows upward. Seems like something would…