WASHINGTON – The day after President Obama’s 2014 State of the Union address, a group of Republican legislators gathered on Sean Hannity’s Fox News program and promised that they would spend all of 2014 hurting as many Americans as possible because of their anger over the Affordable Care Act.
“Some people think we’ve hurt more than enough Americans with our strong, anti-Obamacare stance and that we should quit picking on the people of this country,” said Texas Congressman Louis Gohmert. “But last I looked, Obamacare is still a law. So more Americans must be hurt. And hurt badly.”
Minnesota Congressman woman Michele Bachmann pointed out that one way they could keep hurting Americans is by continuing to push for repeal of the law. “I just want to give the American people hope that there are members of Congress that aren’t going to give up,” she said. “We’re going to stay on the repeal train because that’s hurting Americans.”
Iowa Congressman Steve King agreed that there was little Americans could do to stop the Republican Party from hurting them, short of revolution. “It’s gonna be stopped when the American people rise up,” said Congressman King. “But since we all know how wimpy Americans can be, we also know we’ll be hurting the people of this great nation for a long time to come.”
Texas Congressman Blake Farenthold then listed a number of new ways the GOP was planning on hurting Americans in the upcoming year. “We’ve managed to cut money from food stamps, which is forcing Americans to go hungry. That’s a good start, but there are still a lot of Americans eating. We can do something about that,” he said.
“Also, we need to hold the line against any raise in the minimum wage—that’ll hurt a lot of people,” Farenthold continued. “And if it comes to it, we can arm interns with large wooden clubs and have them travel around our districts and hit people. We have a lot of options.”
“We don’t want Americans to get the wrong idea,” said Bachmann. “We don’t like hurting you. But no matter what we do, or how loud we scream, nobody will get rid of Obamacare. That makes us angry. And so we’re taking our anger out on you.”