Bachmann Proves That Affordable Care Act, While Not Lethal, Can Literally Cause Insanity

WASHINGTON — Tea Party favorite Michele Bachmann made headlines last week after demanding that Congress repeal the Affordable Care Act, “before it literally kills women, kills children [and] kills senior citizens.” While Bachmann’s remark was laughed at and regarded as comical lunacy by most, the congresswoman emerged again this Wednesday to clarify her statement with the possibly irrefutable claim that, “While Obamacare may not literally kill that many people, it does, as evidenced by my very existence as a public figure, have the potential to drive individuals completely insane.”

Bachmann’s rapidly deteriorating grasp on reality is not something she has tried to keep private, especially not recently. Long known for her outlandish statements and half-logical sound bites, the Minnesota representative had been fairly quiet after her successful 2012 re-election campaign, only to emerge recently  in a series of appearances at CPAC and in Congress, where Bachmann offered highly publicized quotes like her entirely imagined accusation that “we are paying someone to walk the president’s dog,” and her characterization of the GOP as “the Movement of Love,” before her diatribe about a homicidal healthcare bill from the House floor.

“It’s obviously absurd to say the Affordable Care Act will ‘literally kill’ people,” explained Dr. Morgan Henderson, a leading psychologist at the CDC. “However, just making such a statement lends a lot of weight to her following argument, that the Affordable Care Act is a major mental health concern.”

According to statistics collected by the government and by private entities, the bill popularly referred to as Obamacare is, in fact, extremely likely to induce severe forms of psychosis. All over the nation, millions of people are supporting Bachmann, who received tremendous reviews at CPAC and has successfully reinvigorated the dead horse beating that is the effort to “repeal Obamacare.”

“We’ve seen this condition quite a bit,” said Dr. Henderson, “and it’s especially prevalent among white people. It starts with valid intellectual concerns about the merits of universal healthcare, but subjects often degenerate quickly from a normal state of made into one prone to incoherent ranting and acute paranoia.”

Medical experts who once supported the Affordable Care Act in great numbers for its public health utility are now rethinking their stance, given the “astounding levels of cognitive regression” that individuals are susceptible to when discussing the issue.

“The thing is, Mrs. Bachmann is not alone,” said Dr. Henderson. “She may be seem like an outlier, but there are millions more like her, and that’s our real concern.”