Betsy DeVos Plans To Establish A Nationwide TV Program Designed To “Cure Gays Through Television”

Betsy DeVos sits on the board of a “brain performance” center whose physician operator claims he can treat ADHD with television Dr. Majid Fotuhi, who emigrated from his native Iran in the 1980s while disguised as a mullah, oversees treatments at Neurocore, a controversial chain of medical facilities bankrolled by President Donald Trump’s newly confirmed education secretary, reported The Daily Beast. Neurocore claims its treatment – which requires patients to watch videos such as “Frozen” or “Mad Men” on TV while hooked up to brain sensors – helps at least 90 percent of cases involving attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), depression and anxiety. Critics say the treatment isn’t effective and serves only as a placebo that gives patients unrealistic hopes and wastes time and money.

However, DeVos stands by her business partner with the same tenacity with which she stands by her new president. As a matter of fact, she has revealed plans of establishing a nationwide TV program designed to “cure gays through television” in a recent interview with The Miami Herald. “On one hand, I do understand the critics; it’s probably very difficult to realize there was a way to help ADHD patients all along; a way that works perfectly, yet requires very little investment, and that nobody though about it before we did,” she said. “I have known Dr. Fotuhi for quite some time and have the utmost confidence in his expertise. I urge everybody who doubts the work being done at Neurocore to interview past patients. Their reactions are really the only proof and reference anyone needs.”

“What’s more,” she continued, “our innovative method of treating patients is so revolutionary that we are planning on expanding our services to include a similarly groundbreaking form of homosexual conversion therapy, which is a burning issue in American society today.” Asked to elaborate further on the method in question, DeVos said that it is based on a “24-hour television program designed to influence gay peoples’ subconsciousness on a molecular level,” which will supposedly trigger a primordial reaction in the brain, causing the person to revert back to their deepest instincts, one of which is the urge to procreate. “I can assure you nothing like this has ever been attempted before,” she added.

“I can’t reveal too much at this time, since we’re going to try to patent the treatment soon, but what I can tell you is that the program will be designed to reboot the most primitive responses in the patients’ brains, causing them to revert back to their basic instincts. Higher brain functions will be preserved, of course, and the program will not affect straight people, as there is nothing wrong with their brain chemistry,” DeVos argued. “However, the program will likely include some soft pornography, just to get the homosexuals’ brains in the right mood. Eventually, through repetition, the brain will be re-trained to interpret male to female intercourse as a positive thing, ultimately triggering the genitals into a state of arousal. But, that’s about all I can tell you right now.”

“I’d also like to add that, if the gay conversion treatment becomes as successful as we believe it will, we will have broken through a barrier that’s been holding back traditional medicine for decades. After that, who knows: AIDS, schizophrenia, an entire array of mental disorders, and ultimately leukemia and cancer – the sky is the limit. Heck, if we have time, we might even tackle male pattern baldness, just for the hell of it,” she concluded.