Biden Doing “P90X-press” in Preparation for VP Debate

WASHINGTON — Vice President Joe Biden has reportedly begun a truncated version of the popular home workout plan P90X to ready himself for his upcoming debate with Republican vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan. Reports claim that Ryan, a vocal supporter and user of the P90X routine, has worried Biden with his youth, handsomeness, and physical fitness.

The P90X plan is designed to improve fitness dramatically over 90 days, but with the debates coming up on October 11, Biden found himself unable to complete the entire program. The “P90X-press” program, which the Vice President is said to have begun on October 1, only takes nine days to complete, and includes twenty hours per day of strength training, cardio exercises, and yoga.

“By October 11, Biden will look like a young Jean-Claude Van Damme,” one member of the Vice President’s staff told Newslo. “Worst comes to worst, he can challenge Ryan to a decathlon or something. And when Biden trounces him, he can be all, ‘I did in nine days what you did in ninety!’ Who wouldn’t vote for that kind of badass?”

Still, the Obama camp is taking a variety of other precautions in preparation for the Biden-Ryan debate, especially after a lukewarm performance by the president in his first debate with Republican nominee Mitt Romney last week. One insider claims that staffers are developing an “invisible fence collar” for Biden, “like the kind dogs use.”

Explained the staffer, “If he starts talking too much, or getting too emotional, or seems like he’s going to make a gaffe, we just zap him and boom – crisis averted.”