Bin Laden Family Demands to Be Paid Every Time Obama Says Bin Laden

NEW YORK — In a copyright case reminiscent of Donald Trump’s attempt to trademark “You’re fired,” one of Osama bin Laden’s daughters has filed to trademark “Osama bin Laden is dead.”

Saharra bin Laden, currently living in the Hamptons area of Long Island, filed the application with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) to “stop Obama from making political gain off of [her] father’s death.” She also plans to put phrases like, “R.I.P Osama bin Laden – World Hide and Seek Champion” and “Ding Dong bin Laden’s Gone” on bumper stickers, shirts, footwear, umbrellas and more.

“I’m sick of seeing the man responsible for killing my father win votes by talking about it,” said bin Laden. “Every time he’s asked about his foreign policy, all he says is that he killed bin Laden, he killed bin Laden and he killed bin Laden. We get it already.”

A final decision on the trademark will be made on November 3 and could completely stop Obama from mentioning the killing for the last three days before election. Given the fact that Obama’s campaign is struggling to keep up with Romney’s fundraising dollars, it is unlikely that Obama will risk going to court right before the election.

“Osama bin Laden who?” said White House Press Secretary Jay Carney. “We don’t care if we can’t say that name for the last three days before the election. Everybody already knows who killed bin Laden, and we plan to say it as many times as possible before November 3 anyway.”

It looks like the Obama campaign has already put this strategy into action. During a press conference to address safety issues surrounding Hurricane Sandy, Obama said, “Hurricane Sandy will undoubtedly do damage along the East Coast, but if Osama bin Laden was still alive, it would be much worse, and that’s why I ordered the hit.”