CHICAGO – The conservative organization Fellowship of the Mind last week came forward with a shocking accusation questioning the legitimacy of Sasha and Malia Obama. Based on investigative techniques consisting of searching everything from Google Images to Ancestry.com to GenealogyBank.com, the site concludes that the two girls are not the children of Barack and Michelle Obama. After dropping that bombshell, they go on to state unequivocally that the real father is Reverend Jeremiah Wright.
“If anyone can find baby pictures and birth records of Malia Obama and/or Natasha Obama, please let me know!” wrote Dr. Eowyn, a featured author on the site. “Also, if anyone can vouch for Reverend Wright’s whereabouts during the time frame when conception would have occurred, please share. I think we’ve got him this time!”
Though Dr. Eowyn was unable to find any pictures of the alleged Obama girls before the ages of 6 and 9, the site’s readers posted some younger photos. However, members of The Fellowship of the Mind were not convinced. “I noticed that Michelle’s hair looks cut off on the right side, commented Lindarm. “It’s a bad cropping job, and Barack’s head looks photo-shopped in as well. I don’t think the two girls, or Michelle, or Barack are in the same picture at all. How amateurish. Whose kids are they really?”
“We all know that Barry is gay and could not possibly have fathered those girls,” continued Dr. Eowyn in an update. “The only explanation is that Michelle had an affair with Reverend Wright. Twice. It is a cover-up. Why else didn’t Dear Leader throw Wright under the bus back in 2008? He was afraid of what the god Reverend would reveal!”
The final proof that the long-time Obama confidant is the real father of Natasha and Malia is given in another photo of the girls ages 4 and 1, sitting in an unidentified man’s lap. “Whose hairy arm is that behind the girls?” asks Dr. Eowyn. “It’s obviously not Barry’s arm. It’s got to be Wright! This is huge!”