Black Girls Almost As Important As White Girls, According to CNN

NEW YORK — In a shocking move, CNN covered both the continuing Hadiya Pendleton murder case and the developing Janay McFarlane murder within the same week. The network devoted actual airtime to the stories, giving some the idea that black girls are just as important as white girls.

Pendleton’s tragic murder was referenced during President Obama’s State of the Union Address, while McFarlane was tragically killed hours after her younger sister attended a speech Obama gave in Chicago about gun violence.

Amazingly, CNN reported on both.

“It’s a great time to be alive and an even better time to be killed,” said Yesha Morrison, an 18-year-old freshman at Towson University. “I haven’t been this happy to be black since President Obama was elected. Martin Luther King would be proud.”

20-year-old Kieshawyna Gray shared a similar sentiment, asserting, “I used to believe that I’d have to look like Natalee Holloway or Taylor Behl in order for my disappearance or murder to get national coverage. But now I know that if something tragic happens to me, there’s a possibility my grieving parents might get to be on CNN.”

Of course not everyone shares Ms. Gray’s optimism. “There are several factors in play, most notably that both murders are tangentially connected to President Obama, which raises their profile considerably,” noted NAACP spokesman Chet Sterling.

Sterling also cautioned, “So, there’s no reason for young black women to place themselves in dangerous situations.”

While CNN officials did not comment on this momentous occurrence, they did add that the network will remain steadfast in avoidance of coverage of missing black children, preferring to stay focused on their white counterparts.