NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Subscribe
NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Customer Service
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Sales
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • New York

Bloomberg Announces Composting Program ‘Just for the Hell of It’

  • June 20, 2013
  • News Lo
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

NEW YORK — As his administration draws to a close, New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg has announced a program that will institute food waste recycling – partially because the material could be converted to bio-gas and become a revenue stream for the city, but mostly “for the sake of inconveniencing New Yorkers one last time.”

“I figured that, just for the hell of it, I will enact one last policy that will force the common people to alter their day-to-day routine,” said Bloomberg at a City Hall press conference. “Surely by now,” the mayor continued, “after the bans on smoking in bars, trans fats, a proposed ban on large sodas thrown out by a judge, the creation of pedestrian plazas and more bike lanes to go along with the Citi Bike share program, city residents are used to my shtick.

“And unlike stop and frisk,” he added, “this will not apply predominantly to blacks and Hispanics, but to all New Yorkers.”

The citywide initiative came about during a staff meeting recently at City Hall, according to Deputy Mayor Shea Fink. “The composting pilot program on Staten Island came up in a staff meeting,” said Fink. “We had all these charts showing how if just 3,500 homes kept over seven tons of waste out of garbage dumps, it could be used to make electricity.” Bloomberg seemed disinterested until someone explained what composting entailed. “He really perked up and asked, ‘You mean people have to sort through their own food garbage? With their hands?’ And like that, a citywide program was born.”

The project is likely to cement Bloomberg’s legacy with New Yorkers. “Great,” said Danny O’Rourke of Marine Park, Brooklyn. “Now every time I throw out some chicken wing bones, I’m going to hear his nasally voice telling me that it’s not the socially responsible thing to do. Sure, city policy has helped me to stop smoking and exercise more, but it’s like having a Jewish Jiminy Cricket living in your head.”

Upon hearing news of the composting initiative, New York Post Editor-in-Chief Col Allen reportedly clutched his pearls and fainted on a divan.

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • Bloomberg composting program
  • Bloomberg on composts
  • Bloombergs legacy
  • New Yorkers
  • news satire
  • Street walker
Avatar of News Lo
News Lo

Welcome to Newslo! Our team of dedicated authors strives to deliver the latest and most important info on finance while infusing a dose of our own style to give you a unique experience. Whether you're looking for in-depth discussions on investments or solid finance tips, we have something for everyone. Our goal is to deliver you the best possible content. So, keep reading our articles and give us your feedback!

Previous Article
  • World

Taliban Enters Peace Talks, Promises To Only Terrorize Women, Infidels

  • June 20, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
Next Article
  • World

Obama in Europe: German Crowds Drop ‘Yes We Can’ for ‘Maybe You Will’

  • June 20, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Navigating the world of finance, one step at a time.

Input your search keywords and press Enter.