Bloomberg Calls New Downtown NYC Denny’s a Gift to City’s Poor

NEW YORK – While critics of Michael Bloomberg have been blasting the former mayor for his perceived indifference towards New York City’s poorer residents, Bloomberg is defending his record on poverty, pointing specifically to the upcoming opening of the city’s first Denny’s.

“Yes, I know the city has more people in shelters than at anytime since the 1930’s, and I know the re-zoning of the city has made it nearly impossible to rent here if you are working class,” the mayor explained while decanting a “cheap” $250 bottle of wine, “but in just a couple of months, all of the city’s poor who are too stingy to go to Peter Luger’s will have a Denny’s!”

While the Denny’s will officially open under Bill de Blasio’s tenure, Bloomberg pointed out that the restaurant’s lease at 150 Nassau St. was signed while he was still in office. Bloomberg said he was especially proud that the Denny’s was applying for a full liquor license.

“It is important that the roughly 2,000 lower-middle class people left in this city have a non-smoking place to unwind,” Bloomberg opined, “I’m just glad I could provide them that place.”

While Bloomberg did admit that he initially had reservations about the fast food chain—particularly its large portion sizes—he revealed that Denny’s extended, 24/7 hours eventually won him over.

“If you don’t work in finance, you probably have two if not three jobs to stay in NYC,” Bloomberg expounded. “So now when the city’s underclass comes to Manhattan at 3 or 4 in the morning from Staten Island or gets off at work around midnight or 1, Denny’s $2-4-6-8 Value Menu will be waiting.”