Brazil’s Loss in World Cup Voted ‘Saddest Televised Death Since Ned Stark’

BELO HORIZONTE, Brazil – Brazil’s 1-7 loss to Germany today in the World Cup semi-finals has been named the “saddest televised death since Ned Stark” according to an informal poll conducted by Newslo. “Definitely sadder,” said Patricia M. of Brooklyn. “Ned’s death was more shocking, I think, but at least he fought until the end.”

Brazil was largely seen as having given up after the first half, during which Germany scored five goals in the course of 30 minutes. “It was like watching a team of dead-eyed fast-food workers making burgers,” Ronald F. of Manhattan told Newslo. “You could just tell that this was not how they imagined their lives going.”

“You just thought about their families, you know?” said Rick M. of the Bronx. “With Ned Stark, yeah, Arya and Sansa saw it coming, but imagine all of the families of those footballers just sitting there and crying by the field. It was just horrifying.”

When Newslo reached out to George R.R. Martin, author of “Game of Thrones” and its sequels, he was also shocked at the result. “I thought I was pretty sick when I wrote the ‘Red Wedding,’ ” Martin told us, “but even I wouldn’t go that far.”