NEW YORK — Tuesday, still a week before Christmas, Citi Pond managers proudly announced that they had set a historical world record by allowing an astounding 16,000 skaters to enjoy the ice at once.
“The one complaint people had about this facility was the wait,” explained Project Coordinator Darryl Matheson. “So on Tuesday evening we decided, why not let everyone in at once? Not only did we succeed, but we proved once and for all that Citi Pond is the world’s premier public skating ice rink. No lines, no admission fee, and more skaters per square foot than anywhere in history.”
While many doubted the safety of the operation, with some even expressing outrage at the stunt, Citi Pond spokespeople assured everyone that this was perfectly safe. “It’s actually far safer than the normal public skating, where you have about 200 people on the ice. Then you worry about accidents, collisions, out of work NHL players. With 16,000, you can’t fall no matter how hard you try.”
Joanne Templeton, a parent who was excited to have her kids skating amongst 16,000 tourists told Newslo that, “I’m happy to pay 18 dollars for my kids to fall on other tourists instead of the ice. I just hope they take down a tourist or two.”