California Aims to Ban Certain Pornography, Assures “MILF” and “Asian” Will Not Be Affected

LOS ANGELES — Lawmakers in California last week presented a bill that would outlaw the distribution of certain pornographic content. State legislators, facing immediate backlash quickly clarified that the bill will have little to no effect on “old porn favorites, such as MILF and Asian smut.”

Senate Bill 255, proposed by California State Senator Anthony Cannella, aims to combat the spread of so-called “revenge porn”, a term that refers to cases of bitter lovers publicly sharing explicit images of an ex for the sake of causing “serious emotional distress.” Cannella and other authors of the bill have argued that its narrow reach and clear language will preclude any negative effect it could have on “all the other good porn that’s out there.”

“This bill is meant to protect private citizens from a cruel and malicious act,” Cannella explained. “It will in no way hinder the rights of Internet users who just like to unwind from time to time with some girl-on-girl action or sexy anime.”

California is not the first state to consider legislation banning pornographic “cyber revenge.” A similar bill in Florida, which would have made uploading such material a felony, failed to become law earlier this year after many  Florida Senators voted against it,  fearing that such a law could begin a  slippery slope toward government overreach.

“They say it won’t affect everyday Americans who just want to see some MILF porn,” said Florida State Senator Alan Hays. “But, what happens when the ex in the pictures or video is, in fact, a MILF? These are the kinds of things we have to watch out for when we try to tell people what they can and can’t do online.”

Cannella agrees that the California bill could come at a small cost to the average citizen, but maintains that the benefits would outweigh the cost.

“Yes, there are cases where ‘revenge porn’ is actually really good stuff,” Cannella granted. “But, for the most part, the images are grainy and the lighting is bad. Should we really allow innocent peoples’ lives to be ruined over this, when you can find top-notch production on other non-revenge sites?”

The California bill has already passed the state Senate with only one opposing vote and, if made law, would make California the second state after New Jersey to pass such a law.

“Come on,” said Cannella. “They passed it in Jersey. Jersey!”