LOS ANGELES – The intense draught in California continues for the third summer in a row, forcing the government to propose fines up to $500 dollars for Californians who insist on watering their lush lawns. So far, the Golden State has only cut water consumption by five percent in the past seven months, reported KPBS, leaving the West Coast in a state of draught emergency.
The threat of steep fines has proven effective in turning off the spigots of the state’s working class. Convincing the sizeable—if petite—population of wealthy models to feel the same burn has proven a more difficult challenge. State regulators are reportedly considering rationing collagen until the models fall in line and kick their wasteful water-for-lunch habit.
“If I don’t stick to my strict water and cigarette meal schedule, that could be the end of my career,”said Harper Levine, 21, a client of Elite Model Management in Los Angeles. “Where’s our government help? Who will make sure my hip bones stick out? It’s…racist? Hott…ist?”
The government is providing subsidies for notoriously unsexy low-income families to help pay their utilities, but there is no word on whether they will also import Evian for models.
Even big names such as Paris Hilton, former model for Donald Trump’s agency, have recently come out and admitted to eating food, much to the dismay of struggling fellow cat walkers.
“There are times when I will stop at a Carl’s Jr., but I will maybe get a turkey burger or something healthier instead of a cheeseburger and fries,”Hilton told The Daily Mail.
To raise awareness for their plight, the organization, H2OT, will be having a car wash at the Mercedes dealership on Rodeo Drive later this month.
“I cannot stress how much I do not recommend this,”said Councilwoman Donna Hoya when contacted for comment. “They could face further curbs on collagen. They would be back where they started. Jesus, could someone please give these girls a fucking sandwich? Their brains are mush.”
