Eric Cantor Cashes Out by Selling His Congressional Seat, Office Furniture

WASHINGTON — What is Eric Cantor’s congressional seat worth? Exactly $495 (pickup only). After his surprising June primary loss to a relative political unknown, Cantor left his colleagues floored Friday when he announced that he would resign his seat and begin the process of “cashing out.”

The Virginia Republican announced his departure, effective Aug. 18, in The Richmond Times-Dispatch, while listing his office furniture under the classified section.

“Everything must go!” reads the classified ad. “Access to this mantle of power (and associated framed portraits of Presidents Reagan and Bush) can be yours for the right price.”

Not all of the office supplies Cantor intends to unload are being sold for a profit. “This well-loved rubber stamp, ready to declare your unflagging ‘NAY’ vote, is free to a good House member.”

Cantor expressed hope that exchanging his office goods for a future in the private sector would bring about “well-paying jobs that not only put food on the table but help put money in the bank,” for Cantor and his family.

By excusing himself from the Capitol prior to the November general election, Cantor is free to explore lucrative job opportunities without the requirement to disclose companies with whom he is negotiating

House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy, who assumed the title from Cantor after his primary loss to David Brat, said, “There is no one [Cantor] doesn’t know or legislation he hasn’t worked. But he also knows financial markets well.”

Sources suggest that Cantor is in line to earn more than $1 million annually outside of office, likely at a hedge fund, private equity firm, or large bank.

“Along with the respectable salary, banks are known for their abundant supply of free pens. So Eric certainly won’t be needing the one he used to grant the speaker of the House of Representatives the authority to sue the president,” in what will likely be Cantor’s last vote. McCarthy is hoping to purchase the pen for $93, “a real steal,” in his words.

Cantor asked Democratic Gov. Terry McAuliffe, another noted fundraiser, to call a special election for his replacement on Nov. 4, which would come at no additional cost to the taxpayer and still give the winner the opportunity to serve out the lame-duck session and enjoy certain seniority. The office, however, will come unfurnished.

Said Cantor, “In this country, first you got to get the power. Then when you get the power, you get the money. Then, once you’ve cashed out, leave it to the next guy clean up your mess.”