Caroline Kennedy Congratulated on Possible Ambassadorship by Friends, Death

WASHINGTON — According to both Bloomberg News and The Washington Post Caroline Kennedy will be selected as the next United States Ambassador to Japan. Those closest to the daughter of President John F. Kennedy are pleased with the news and have come forward to offer their best wishes and support.

“I know nothing is official yet, but she would be a perfect interlocutor in our relations with Japan,” said Esther Newberg, Kennedy’s friend and book agent. “What she lacks in foreign policy experience she makes up for with charm and name recognition. I’m so happy for you, Caroline!”

If confirmed by the Senate, Kennedy would be the first woman to represent the United States in Japan. The White House has yet to comment on Kennedy’s future with the administration.

“I’m just excited that she’s going to be traveling so much now,” said Death, a close friend of the Kennedys. “It’s a long flight between Washington and Tokyo, and the sequester isn’t making air travel any safer—what with 149 air-traffic control towers potentially being closed down and all. This is going to be a good, good year for me.”

Hilda Solis, former Labor Secretary under President Barack Obama and now Kennedy’s colleague at the Harvard Institute of Politics, admitted Japan will be a challenge, but one she feels her contemporary can more than handle. “Japan is still recovering from the tsunami and the Fukushima disaster, not to mention Chinese maritime claims and bevy of other issues in the Asia-Pacific. As ambassador, that’s a lot to take on, especially without foreign policy experience, but this still so great. Congrats!”

“Don’t even get me started on this North Korea thing!” Death added. “Japan is right there between them and America. I really thought it’d be years before I got a crack at another Kennedy, but now? Wow … I need to sit down.”