Carson Argues His Experience In Separating Twins And Denying Evolution Is “Exactly What Qualifies Me To Serve As HUD Head”

Ben Carson is reportedly considering an offer to serve as Department of Housing and Urban Development secretary in President-elect Donald Trump’s forthcoming administration. Carson said Wednesday night in an interview with Fox News that “the offer is on the table” and said a decision could be expected “in the next few days.” “We did in fact have a discussion of what things need to be done in the country and what the options were,” he said. If Carson takes the position, it would be a major reversal for the retired neurosurgeon, who ran as a 2016 Republican presidential candidate and has never held elected office.

Carson told media outlets that there is “a very good reason” why he’d be ideal for the position. “I have spent the majority of my time as a physician and neurosurgeon performing complicated surgeries and procedures,” he argued. “And a significant percentage of those surgeries were separation-of-twins procedures, which, as you can imagine, are not only extremely dangerous for both of the patients, but also take a toll on the doctors and medical staff as well. And as someone who has successfully performed several such operations, which by the way, number in the double digits, I can say that I have amassed the necessary experience to serve as HUD head.”

Asked to elaborate on his logic, the retired neurosurgeon said, “It’s fairly simple. You see, at the risk of making it look like I’m bragging – which I’m not – I can say I’ve single-handedly been in a number of situations where I’ve realized that, post-surgery speaking, twins who were up until that point physically bound to each other, couldn’t wait to not see one another for an extended period of time. And that’s quite reasonable, considering people in that situation can’t even use the restroom without their sibling looking over their shoulder, quite literally.”

“And when they got separated, their reactions were so aimed at seeking solitude that I remember thinking, ‘Each of you boys need to be getting a home of your own right about now,” 95% of the time,” Carson revealed. “So, I perfectly understand the need for space, which is to say, the need for every human being to own a house. And who do you think would be better for the position of the Department of Housing and Urban Development secretary than a man who has witnessed firsthand, countless times, future homeowners being born, figuratively speaking?”

When asked how that qualifies him for the position, he said, “Well, I suppose only a man like me, who has already revealed to the world that secular lefties are responsible for the myth of the existence of dinosaurs, can also call the bluff that the real estate market is in a bad spot yet again.” He added, “And that’s one of the things that the future head of the HUD needs to be able to do – take care of his department as if it were his child and bust myths left and right; myths created by those who would see this country fail miserably only because of the fact that Donald Trump has a historic opportunity to revitalize it into what it was meant to be all along.”