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Blogs

Eat Your Way to Innocence! By George Zimmerman

Anyways, since I heard about this wonderful, jiggly-tit loophole, I’ve been letting myself run a little wild at the ole’ feeding trough, and over the last few months, I’ve discovered a few tricks that I’d like to share with all you would-be murderers out there.

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford: I Did Not Smoke Crack Today

Embattled Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is facing charges from the media that he was filmed smoking crack with Somali drug dealers. After a week of silence Ford held a press…

Michele Bachmann’s Top 15 One-Liners

1. “Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.” -Rep. Michele Bachmann, April,…

Op-Ed: What Are the Animals Doing to Prevent Climate Change?

by Joe Oliver, Canadian Natural Resource Minister I’m so sick of hearing about climate change and how humans are responsible for it. We get it already! Geez. Get off my…

‘How I Met Your Mother’ Sort-of Fans Disappointed, Thought Season Finale Was Series Finale

Sort-of fans of CBS’s “How I Met Your Mother” were disappointed Monday night with the Season 8 finale in which The Mother was revealed, largely because it was not the…

Race of Mole People Discovered Beneath California, Already Making Clothes for Disney

ANAHEIM, Calif. — The dust had barely settled from the devastating factory collapse in Bangladesh when Disney announced that they will be moving all their manufacturing out of the region.…

Blogs

After Screwing Argentinian Mistress, Sanford Sets Sights on Screwing Entire Nation

Sanford

In the kind of Cinderella story you only hear about in pornographic remakes of German fairy tales, Mark Sanford has won a special election in South Carolina’s 1st Congressional District…

Blogs

Report: L.A. Has Nation’s Worst Traffic, Based on Number of Angry Tweets

LOS ANGELES – Tinseltown is really Traffictown once more. According to a report released by data tracker Inrix last week, Los Angeles has the nation’s most congested roads. The average…

Blogs

All the World’s a Stage: An Interview with Alex Jones

Alex Jones is a radio talk show host, author, documentary filmmaker and the founder of InfoWars.com. In the wake of the Boston Marathon bombings, Jones theorized that the attacks were…

Blogs

EPA: If Nobody Minds, We Have a Few Things to Ask About This Oil Pipeline

Hey, State Department, it’s the EPA. Sooooo, we read your environmental review on the Keystone XL pipeline. First things first, we love environmental reports and really appreciate you taking the…

Blogs

Macy’s and JC Penney to Duel Over Martha Stewart’s Honor

Ex-Convict Martha Stewart is at the center of an 18-month legal dispute between consumer behemoths Macy’s Inc. and JC Penney Co. Inc. “The legal system has obviously failed us,” said…

Blogs

Mark Sanford: This Week Has S-U-C-K-E-D for Me

Yeesh! It’s been a craptacular couple of days for the ole’ Sanford and Sons. As you may have heard, the Republican Party has sent me out to pasture, saying on…

Blogs

Anne Frank More of a Kanye Girl, Experts Say

The note Justin Bieber wrote to Anne Frank in the guest book at the Anne Frank Museum in Amsterdam has stirred up some controversy around the young pop star. It…

World and Current Events, As Viewed by a New York Post Journalist

Thank you for having me here today. I appreciate all of you the same way I appreciate working with and around deadlines. In this hectic day and age, it’s good…

Blogs

Mohammed Morsi Op-Ed: I am a very funny man

I have heard the grumblings and the complaints. I hear people saying, “Oh, Mohammed, you have no sense of humor.” I tell you now: I have a sense of humor,…

Blogs

Dear Leader, Advice from Kim Jong-Un

Kim Jong-un, the leader of the DPRK – the wealthiest, most advanced and prosperous nation on Earth, answers our readers’ financial questions: Dear Leader, The stock market is at an…

Blogs

Game of Thrones, As Viewed by Some Girl Whose Boyfriend Made Her Watch It

Sanford

It’s a Sunday night and Steve made Hormel chili and peanut butter sandwiches and told me, “Honey, it’s Game of Thrones night.” I wasn’t sure what a game of thrones…

Blogs

The Higgs Boson Particle as Viewed by Owner of Sal’s Pizzeria in Brooklyn

So, it all starts out with the bada-Big bada-Bang. You got nothin’, nothin’, still nothin’s there then POW! Universe. Fresh ingredients everywhere, blows up in a second, next thing you…

Blogs

A Syrian Refugee Reviews Sarah Palin’s “A Happy Holiday IS a Merry Christmas”

PALIN

Feeling lucky enough to have obtained an advance copy of Sarah Palin’s unreleased latest work, “A Happy Holiday IS a Merry Christmas,” and feeling strongly about the war in Syria…

Blogs

The World According to Dick Cheney’s Old Heart

Like many of you, I was looking forward to The World According to Dick Cheney when it premiered on Friday night. In fact, I even celebrated by fixing myself a…

Blogs

Sink Holing Trend Sweeps Internet

INTERNET — You‘ve done the Harlem Shake, Milked Bombed your local grocery story, and Planked everything in sight. Now, a new trend is sweeping the internet, and it’s called Sink…

Blogs

22 Sexy Ways to Avoid a Drone Strike

Are you wondering about the best way to avoid getting killed by an MQ-9 Reaper drone with laser-guided munitions while also pleasing your man? Al-Qaeda’s nifty guide provided some pointers,…

Blogs

Brutally Honest Horoscopes: Worst Dressed Nominee

Horoscope

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) This week: You’re on your own this week, because your guardian, Mars, is in the House of Pancakes. Love: That girl you’ll meet online? That girl…

Blogs

Rick Santorum on the Hazards of Too Much Gay Pride in Sports

Fellow straight people and sports fans, American sports as we know it are coming to an end. The fabric of our society is being torn apart at the seams. First,…

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