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Trump Publicly Attacks Sessions: “The Man Was Obviously Planted By Obama To Destroy Me”

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President Donald Trump’s decision to publicly attack his own attorney general this week is reportedly sending shock waves through the White House, even among...
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Mitch McConnell: “Trumpcare’s Defeat By Democrats Proves That Only Republicans Believe In Poor People’s Right To Health”

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Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) attempted to blame Democrats for the failure of the law known as Trumpcare that would repeal and replace...
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Trump Jr.: “My Russian Meetings Prove I’m A Real American That Knows How To Create Opportunities And Fake Advantages”

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When Donald Trump Jr. decided to publicize the emails setting up his now-infamous meeting with a Russian lawyer to obtain dirt on Hillary Clinton,...
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Ryan Bans Women From Appearing Sleeveless In House Of Reps: “Strippers Are Not Welcome Anymore, We Were Elected To Make America God-Fearing Again”

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Based on the whims of House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI), women attempting to enter the speaker’s lobby have been denied entrance based on their...
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Chaffetz Claims Lawmakers Need To Get More Money “For The Risks We’re Taking On The Job While The Media Is Brutally Attacking Us”

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During the “Overtime” segment of HBO’s Real Time, host Bill Maher’s panel took some parting shots at Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) – who is...
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Kellyanne Conway Claims MSNBC Proven As Fake News: “They Called Me ‘Weak-Minded’ Which I’m Most Certainly Not”

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Appearing on MSNCB’s AM Joy, attorney Tamara Holder called out the women who have defended President Donald Trump’s misogynistic comments about his female critics,...
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Ron Johnson: “People Who Look Like A Car Crash Should Pay More For Their Insurance”

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Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI) suggested on Sunday that people with pre-existing conditions deserved to pay more for insurance because they were like cars that...
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Trump: “Comparing Warren To Pocahontas Is An Insult To Pocahontas Because At Least She Had A Pro-White American Spirit”

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President Donald Trump acknowledged on Sunday that using the name “Pocahontas” as a racist attack on Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) was an insult to...
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Romney Baffled Why “Disgusting, Welfare-Addicted Masses” Didn’t Vote for Him

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BELMONT, Mass. -- One week after the election, Governor Mitt Romney is still scratching his head as to why the “dependent, lazy, unwashed...
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Today's Headlines

Malala Yousafzai Begins Murderous Rampage After Losing Noble Peace Prize

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“The thing is, I am still committed to the education of woman,” Malala explained. “Now I just need to figure out whether to achieve it through making myself into a 70’s style grindhouse anti-hero, or through non-violent resistance.”
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World

Netanyahu: Palestine was a Dress Rehearsal for Iran

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TEL AVIV -- After less than a week of peace in the Middle East, Israel has reignited tensions in the region by admitting the...
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