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New York

114 posts

Newslo, your number 1 source for New York satire and political humor. Newslo writes satirical articles satirizing New York politics and news. Everything from Mayor Bloomberg to an intern trafficking ring.
NYPD Busts Intern Trafficking Ring- NEW YORK — NYPD Detectives raided Soho public-relations firm FaceWise and discovered a brutal intern trafficking ring that included over two dozen individuals locked in a series of walk-in supply closets. The interns were found gagged, sitting Indian style, with little to no hope they would be hired. “I looked through the cracks of the closet and saw 10 to 12 beady eyes staring back at me,” says Special Agent
Bloomberg Caught Strapping Dynamite to Verrazzano Bridge to Cut Off Staten Island — NEW YORK — Commuters along the Verrazzano-Narrows bridge yesterday morning were shocked to find NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg dangling below from a bungee-cord, duct-taping bricks of dynamite to the pilings in an attempt to sever the only physical tie Staten Island has to New York City. “I’m blowin’ this shit up!” the mayor called out to the throng of witnesses gathered above, who were thrilled with news.

  • New York

Start Spreading The News: Your Essential New York Reading List

  • June 5, 2020
  • News Lo
For many people, the prospect of a vacation has been on hold for a while – but that doesn’t mean we can’t plan. A little bit of Covid-19 isolation can’t…
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  • Featured
  • New York
  • New York Feature

Rep. Tom Reed Suggests Increasing Military Budget “So The Poor Can Feel Safe And Stop Stealing Our Money For Their Health”

  • June 5, 2017
  • News Lo
“Donald Trump is trying to help America, only unlike Barack Obama, he actually cares about what happens to all of its citizens and not just the poor”
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  • Featured
  • New York
  • New York Feature

Giuliani: “10% Of Our Black Population Is Jailed And Soon 100% Of Our Former Black President Will Join Them”

  • October 25, 2016
  • News Lo
Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani will say pretty much anything to try and discredit Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton. His latest attack goes so far as to evoke…
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  • Featured
  • New York
  • New York Feature

Franklin Graham: “NY Bombing Is God’s Way Of Intervening Just In Time To Save America From Hillary”

  • September 19, 2016
  • News Lo
Evangelist Franklin Graham responded to explosions in New York City and New Jersey and a stabbing incident at a Minnesota mall, saying the next president “needs to be someone who…
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  • Featured
  • New York
  • New York Feature

Ted Cruz’s Yiddish Ad Calls To Vote For Him Because His “Meshugene Tuches Was Chosen By Jesus”

  • April 19, 2016
  • News Lo
Both Republican and Democratic candidates have been courting Jewish voters ahead of Tuesday’s New York primary vote, looking for an edge in competitive districts with large Jewish populations. Orthodox Jews,…
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  • Featured
  • New York
  • New York Feature

De Blasio Announces White House Bid; Clinton, Republicans Struggle to Respond

  • April 24, 2015
  • News Lo
Bill de Blasio and family
Donald Trump told Fox & Friends this morning that if elected, de Blasio will turn the country into “one big marijuana village with no police force.”
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  • Entertainment Feature
  • Latest Lies
  • New York
  • Religion

Mayim Bialik Spends Holiday With Ex: “The Meaning Of Jewish Passover Really Is To Suffer For Your Kids”

  • April 7, 2015
  • News Lo
“Part of being a good parent is putting your children’s needs and wishes before your own”
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  • New York
  • New York Feature
  • Today's Headlines

Rudi Giuliani: “For Obama, America Is The Same As Michelle – No Love, But No Other Option”

  • February 19, 2015
  • News Lo
I can think of 6,999,999,999 people on this planet who could do a better job as President
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  • New York
  • New York Feature

Police Chief: “I Shot My Wife In My Sleep, Dreamed She Was Bill De Blasio”

  • January 3, 2015
  • News Lo
Bill de Blasio and family
“I could have sworn I was in New York City and was on my way to meet that prick of a mayor”
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  • New York

NYPD: “We Only Arrest White People Now – No Crime, No Work, No Danger”

  • January 1, 2015
  • News Lo
nypd ny muslims
“If the people start noticing a decrease in crime in NYC, they’ll know it’s because the NYPD has stopped arresting blacks altogether”
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  • New York
  • Today's Headlines

NYPD Offers Free Abortions as Part of New Community Outreach Program

  • September 26, 2014
  • News Lo
"The fact is that it's a simple misunderstanding. As part of our attempt to build stronger relations with the community, we've begun offering free abortions to women who couldn't afford them otherwise."
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  • New York
  • Today's Headlines

Michael Bloomberg Regains Control of Company for Another Term, Renames It ‘Newer York City’

  • September 9, 2014
  • News Lo
Bloomberg, who has opted against reclaiming the title of chief in favor of “mayor” of the company, is expected to enact sweeping changes at the company.
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  • New York
  • Today's Headlines

NYPD’s Stop-and-Frisk Amended, Now Stop-and-Kill Black Males

  • July 21, 2014
  • News Lo
A source told Newslo that the initiative was originally called "Kill, Just Kill," but was later changed so as to better reflect the program's mission: "Keeping You Safe by Killing Just a Few of You."
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  • New York
  • Today's Headlines

Soda Ban a Bust, NYC Turns Attention to Forcing Kale Consumption

  • July 7, 2014
  • News Lo
"I can't anticipate anyone having a problem with this, anyway. Who doesn't love avocado kale ice cream?"
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  • New York
  • Today's Headlines

China’s Replica of the Bronx Looks Like Crap, but so Does the Bronx

  • July 3, 2014
  • News Lo
"The Bronx is famous for looking like a city someone started building, but then decided instead to drop it into a vat of hot acid,” says Xin.
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  • New York
  • Today's Headlines

Conspiracy Theorists See Cover-up in 9/11 Museum’s Removal of Commemorative Cheese Plate

  • June 1, 2014
  • News Lo
Independent research from a non-governmental agency indicates that consumption of this blue cheese before bed is associated with especially outlandish dreams.
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  • New York
  • Today's Headlines

NYPD: We Don’t Spy on Muslims; We Force Muslims to Spy on Muslims

  • May 14, 2014
  • News Lo
nypd ny muslims
“It’s great community outreach, any way you look at it,” added Finley.
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  • New York
  • Today's Headlines

Drunken Cops Livening Up NYC with Jaunty Shootings

  • May 2, 2014
  • News Lo
It's been a jaunty, fun-filled week in New York City, where cops have been entertaining the normally bored masses with a series of drunken shootings.
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  • New York
  • Politics
  • Today's Headlines

Rep. Grimm: My Federal Indictment Will Help Me Relate to My Constituents

  • April 29, 2014
  • News Lo
I know, I know. You’ve seen the headlines. You know I’m in a bit of a pickle over here.
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  • New York
  • Today's Headlines

Members of NYPD’s Demographics Unit Find Islam After Spying on Muslims

  • April 23, 2014
  • News Lo
Kelly claims that the information gleaned by informants known as “mosque crawlers,” who surveilled religious sermons for the department, completely changed his thinking on Islam.
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  • New York
  • Today's Headlines

Court Bans Teaching of Facts in New York’s Sunday Schools

  • April 14, 2014
  • News Lo
Bill de Blasio and family
“But at the same time, you can’t be bringing in science and reason into a church or a Sunday school.”
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  • New York
  • Today's Headlines

Trump Nixes Run for N.Y. Governor, Fears Negative Comparison with Intelligent Human Opponent

  • March 17, 2014
  • News Lo
Donald Trump by Gage Skidmore
ALBANY, N.Y. – Donald Trump took to the Twitterverse this week to announce that he would not be running for governor of New York, citing his fear of “competing against…
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  • New York
  • Today's Headlines

Republican Worried Corruption Trial Will Implicate Too Many Republicans; Asks for Delay Until After Elections

  • February 18, 2014
  • News Lo
“There isn’t a Republican official alive who won’t be sent to prison if my trial moves forward.
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  • New York
  • Today's Headlines

Mayor de Blasio Offers Full-Body Scanner Option in Place of Stop-and-Frisk

  • February 7, 2014
  • News Lo
“No longer will we allow our African-American and Latino populations to be awkwardly groped and caressed by the meaty paws of a middle-aged, white cop with an axe to grind."
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