Police Chief: “I Shot My Wife In My Sleep, Dreamed She Was Bill De Blasio”
“I could have sworn I was in New York City and was on my way to meet that prick of a mayor”
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New York
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Newslo, your number 1 source for New York satire and political humor. Newslo writes satirical articles satirizing New York politics and news. Everything from Mayor Bloomberg to an intern trafficking ring.
NYPD Busts Intern Trafficking Ring- NEW YORK — NYPD Detectives raided Soho public-relations firm FaceWise and discovered a brutal intern trafficking ring that included over two dozen individuals locked in a series of walk-in supply closets. The interns were found gagged, sitting Indian style, with little to no hope they would be hired. “I looked through the cracks of the closet and saw 10 to 12 beady eyes staring back at me,” says Special Agent
Bloomberg Caught Strapping Dynamite to Verrazzano Bridge to Cut Off Staten Island — NEW YORK — Commuters along the Verrazzano-Narrows bridge yesterday morning were shocked to find NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg dangling below from a bungee-cord, duct-taping bricks of dynamite to the pilings in an attempt to sever the only physical tie Staten Island has to New York City. “I’m blowin’ this shit up!” the mayor called out to the throng of witnesses gathered above, who were thrilled with news.
NYPD: “We Only Arrest White People Now – No Crime, No Work, No Danger”
“If the people start noticing a decrease in crime in NYC, they’ll know it’s because the NYPD has stopped arresting blacks altogether”
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NYPD Offers Free Abortions as Part of New Community Outreach Program
"The fact is that it's a simple misunderstanding. As part of our attempt to build stronger relations with the community, we've begun offering free abortions to women who couldn't afford them otherwise."
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Michael Bloomberg Regains Control of Company for Another Term, Renames It ‘Newer York City’
Bloomberg, who has opted against reclaiming the title of chief in favor of “mayor” of the company, is expected to enact sweeping changes at the company.
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NYPD’s Stop-and-Frisk Amended, Now Stop-and-Kill Black Males
A source told Newslo that the initiative was originally called "Kill, Just Kill," but was later changed so as to better reflect the program's mission: "Keeping You Safe by Killing Just a Few of You."
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Soda Ban a Bust, NYC Turns Attention to Forcing Kale Consumption
"I can't anticipate anyone having a problem with this, anyway. Who doesn't love avocado kale ice cream?"
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China’s Replica of the Bronx Looks Like Crap, but so Does the Bronx
"The Bronx is famous for looking like a city someone started building, but then decided instead to drop it into a vat of hot acid,” says Xin.
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Conspiracy Theorists See Cover-up in 9/11 Museum’s Removal of Commemorative Cheese Plate
Independent research from a non-governmental agency indicates that consumption of this blue cheese before bed is associated with especially outlandish dreams.
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