Fischer: “Immigrants Welcome If They Convert To Christianity, Mexicans Already Christian So We Can Deport Them Back”
“My favorite part is when they get baptized, it’s like they shed the filth of Islam from their bodies”
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Today’s Headlines
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Trump: “We Are Victims Of Obama’s War On Christians, So We Can’t Really Deal With The Refugees Now”
“I can’t really tell you if that’s going to be me, regardless of how much I’d like to. However, you never know what’s going to happen to tomorrow, you just can’t. But I will tell you this, the Muslim issue that we have in the U.S. - and you Sir are right, we do have a Muslim issue – is going to have to wait. Especially since everybody is looking to America to help with the Syrian refugees right now.”
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Bristol Palin: “We Shouldn’t Forget That Several 9/11 Terrorists Were Named ‘Ahmed’ And ‘Mohamed’”
“I don’t know what the deal is with our President that makes him react by inviting potential terrorists in the White House”
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Trump: “EU Should Build A Wall On Turkey’s Border And Force Syria To Pay For It”
“The problem with the world today is that everybody is used to America fixing everything and making it better. That’s what we’ve been doing ever since World War II and we have entire generations of people around the world who grew up watching us make peace everywhere. So today, they’re expecting us to do the same once again with the war in Syria,”
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Will Infantine: “Women Don’t Work Hard Like Men, They Deserve Less Pay”
“A New Hampshire lawmaker found himself being heckled by his colleagues recently during a state House speech, which asserted that women lacked the work ethic of men so they should…
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Indiana Woman Marries Jesus Christ: “I Can’t Wait To Consummate My Marriage”
“I’m pretty sure I will feel like I’m in heaven this time tomorrow, quite literally”
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Linda Harvey Warns: “Dark Future Ahead, Women Will Be Jailed, Forced To Pregnancy And Then Abortion”
“We’ll basically be turned into livestock and it won’t have anything to do with the milk in our jugs”
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Man Planning Golf Outing in Trumpistan
“The man’s worth eight billion dollars. Do you know how many commas are in that? Because I sure as hell don’t. And that’s how I know he’s qualified to be president.”
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Ted Cruz: “Atheist Taliban Are A Greater Threat Than ISIS”
“compared to some of the other threats America is constantly faced with, this is one that is beginning to worry me the most.”
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Mark Driscoll: “Masturbation Is Allowed Only If A Woman Is In The Room, Even If She Doesn’t Notice It”
“Women were designed specifically to help men with masturbation. Not to mention cleaning up the mess afterwards”
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Bachmann Happy With Iran Deal Because “Now God Will Punish The U.S.”
“There are consequences to doing things like this against God’s covenant land, there are horrible consequences. Then you throw in some other things such as the Supreme Court decision back in late June and a lot of other things. Judgment isn’t just coming; judgment is already here.”
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Iranian Scientists Claim They’ve Successfully Cloned Khamenei: “There Is No More Risk Of His Death”
“The Khamenei is no longer at risk of death; even if the original leader dies, there are clones who can replace him now. And I am proud to say that this is just the beginning. Soon, we will possess the technology to clone the most important people in Iran in a very short time.”
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PETA Campaigns Against Top US Spy After Statement That “Lone Wolves Are Bigger Threat Than Al-Qaeda”
“He will gladly comment on any questions you might have as soon as he returns from his panda hunting trip to China”
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Pastor Charles Worley: “Pregnant Women Should Get Anti-Gay Vaccine To Protect Babies From Aids”
“Pastor Charles Worley of Maiden, N.C.’s Providence Road Baptist Church recently told his congregation that lesbians and “queers” should be rounded up, placed in camps with electrified fencing and left…
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Pat Robertson: “It’s Better To Marry Your Dog Than Another Man”
“And while we’re at it, why not fill the cup all the way by legalizing drugs and prostitution as well?”
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Oklahoma GOP: “Giving Food To Poor Kids Is Like Feeding Wild Animals, They Will Grow Up And Kill You”
“That really ought to be enough to wise us up and make us change our ways”
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Rick Scarborough: “Abortion Is Not A Sin If The Baby Is Going To Be Gay”
“Otherwise, we’re looking at a land of buttfu**ers in the coming years”
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Ann Coulter: “More Americans Are Killed By Mexicans Than The Cops”
“I don’t think that’s a fact we should be proud of, at all”
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Joseph Farah Calls To Put 18+ Warning On Any Movie That Features Dinosaurs
“Science is great in many things, except when it comes to religion”
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Ben Carson Calls To Cancel 4th Of July: “Lately It Feels More Like Soviet Union Than America”
“I used to feel proud to be a member of this nation”
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Greek PM Offers To Export Real Estate To Help Greece’s Economy
“Germans have been drooling over it for years”
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Ted Cruz: “First Thing I Will Do As President Is Shut Down SCOTUS”
“That is my solemn oath, and Americans know Ted Cruz always keeps his promises”
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New Female Ten Dollar Bill Revealed To Only Be Worth Seven Dollars
“This has nothing to do with the bill having a woman on it. We just believe that this bill might not be as effective as a ten dollar bill, what with it’s bright green color and raging hormones,”
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Ex-NAACP Leader Says She Identifies As Black: “Everybody Knows Black People Have Advantage In Life”
“Even Obama would have never become President if he hadn’t openly admitted to being black”
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