iPhone Sales Soar As Consumers Give Up on Battery Life
“Who needs it? My iPhone died on my way to my sister’s wedding. I was using its GPS and I had no directions,” says former iPhone battery hater Jennifer Caldwelle.
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David Cameron Bans Porn, Determined to ‘Finally Get This ‘Prime Minister’ Thing Over With’
“I’ve heard that Cameron was weeping into a glass of champagne when he suddenly came up with a way to upset every adult in the country with one fell swoop. I have to hand it to him, if that’s his intention, the man’s a genius.”
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Va. Governor Returns Donations, Clearing his Name
Federal and state investigators are still looking into the Williams-McDonnell gifts, though they will surely stop once they hear he’s sorry.
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Superman, Batman to Play Star-Crossed Lovers in Warner Bros. Rom-Com
“I want this to connect with the audience,” said Snyder, “albeit a very specific audience. But an audience nonetheless.”
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Dolphins Call Each Other by Name – Cruel, Vulgar Names
The dolphins’ favorite insults reportedly include “Carp Cunt,” “Clogged Blowhole,” and, reserved for the lowest of the low, “Fish.”
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The Best Responses to Newslo.com
"I think your page is stupid and nothing you post is remotely true. I think you are worse than FOX news when you post such trash."
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LGBT Groups Lobby to Save Marriage by Outlawing Divorce
Twice-divorced Republican stalwart Newt Gingrich shrugged off the protests, saying “The gays are still in the Honeymoon period with the whole marriage thing. It'll pass."
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