Top 5 Political Memes of the Week

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1.  Congress Assures Public There Will Be More Chances to Ignore Gun Control Issues   2. Wall Street Tycoon Wesley Snipes Released From Prison   3.  Congress Celebrates Allowing A Debate On Background Checks!   4.  Legislators Fight to Protect Animals’ Right to Suffer in Private   5. Hoping for a Little Attention, Syrian Citizens Threaten to Nuke the U.S.

2012 Hottest Year Ever: Conservatives Call Discussion of Global Warming “Inappropriate at This Time”

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WASHINGTON — The numbers are in: according to the National Climate Data Center, 2012 was officially the hottest in U.S. history. In light of this news, Democratic members of Congress are demanding an “open dialogue” regarding climate change issues, but are being met with significant resistance from the right. “We firmly believe that now is not the time to question issues of…

“Stop Telling Us We’re Disappearing” Pleads Existentially Panicked Middle Class

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NEW YORK — Following a decade-long barrage of reports and stump speeches arguing the American middle class is disappearing, middle-income professionals across the country are begging news outlets and politicians to stop calling their existence into question. According to Jay Daniels, a 42-year-old middle school physical education teacher from Manlius, New York, the media’s frequent assertions that he is disappearing have left him reconsidering everything he thought he knew about life. “I have…

Hannity: Good Old Fashioned Racism Just Doesn’t Win Elections Anymore

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NEW YORK — After losing several key electoral races, including the presidency, conservatives are starting to wonder if a racist, sexist, homophobic message was somehow the wrong approach to take in winning a popular vote. This revelation has caused prominent Republicans to apparently flip on key issues, particularly those affecting Latino voters, who voted overwhelmingly in favor of the President. Perhaps most…

AMC’s “The Walking Dead” Revealed As Elaborate Parable Praising The Free Market

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ATLANTA – As AMC’s original series “The Walking Dead” gathers steam in its third season, rumors are spreading that the show is actually a parable showing the strength of the free market and its ability to endure even the greatest catastrophes. The show follows a stalwart group of survivors as they navigate a post-apocalyptic, zombie-infested America amidst incredible hardship and emotional turmoil.…

Congress Throws $10m Party to Celebrate 8% Rise in Approval Ratings

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WASHINGTON — The Senate and House of Representatives have green-lit plans for a lavish, luxurious $10 million party next week, in celebration of congressional approval ratings rising from 13% to 21%. Last week, the Gallup Organization revealed that pre-election approval ratings had risen 8% for Congress since the last monthly poll in September.  The results reflected Americans’ increasing confidence in the economy,…

Romney Campaign Floods Liberal Colorado Neighborhoods With Pot and McDonald’s to Keep Dems From Voting

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BOULDER, Colo. – Since Tuesday morning at 10am, when most Colorado marijuana supporters began waking up, Romney campaign workers have been busy distributing massive amounts of pot and food from McDonald’s to citizens in democratic neighborhoods. The drastic strategy is a response to a key question on the Colorado ballot, which could potentially make marijuana completely legal for citizens over the age…