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Teach The Controversy Bill Allows Teachers to Teach “Pretty Much Whatever They Feel Like”
Texas Board of Education Revises Textbooks: Slaves were “Unpaid Interns”-DALLAS — The Texas Board of Education has drawn scrutiny in recent years for its efforts to revise its curriculum to favor more conservative-friendly versions of history and science. After revising textbooks last year to emphasize Christian influences on the Founding Fathers and introduce Intelligent Design to biology classes, the Board voted nine to zero today to change official nomenclature regarding slavery. In Texas, students will now be taught that slaves were not kidnapped and exploited against their will, but were actually “unpaid interns.”
Evangelicals Urge Uganda to Downgrade ‘Kill the Gays’ Bill to ‘Maim the Gays’
Walmart Heiress Buys “Employee Healthcare” for the Holidays
Entire State of Texas Attempts to Run Away

Exciting Discovery by NASA Rover Revealed to Be More Fucking Space Dust
Americans Lacking Basic Understanding of Probability Disappointed by Powerball Results

States Use Federal Website to Politely Request Permission to Secede from Union
Internet Perverts Disappointed to Learn True Definition of “Cyber Monday”
Ghost of Paula Deen Teaches Vegetarian the True Meaning of Thanksgiving

Cocaine, Adderall Sales to Skyrocket as Users Try to Drop Thanksgiving Weight

Legalization of Marijuana Leads to Boom in Local Businesses, Burden for Corporations
Playboy Yet To Offer Petraeus Million Dollar Exclusive Spread

Philadelphia Cuts Out Middle Man, Converts Failing Schools into Prisons
Angsty Upper Middle Class Teen Can’t Find One Thing to Be Thankful For
Fifteen Percent of Homosexual Agenda Now Realized
Eco-conscious Monsanto Unveils “Artisanal” Strain of Deathly Pesticide DDT
Political Facebook Users Unsure What To Post After Election
The NRA Announces New “Guns for Girls” Program
Economists Baffled by $5 Cupcake Fad During Crippling Recession
Congress to LGBT Community: “It Gets Better When You’re Voting Age… Maybe”
Small Business Owners Cited in Stump Speeches Reveal Candidates’ Lies: “They never said those things to me”
Oh Sharia Law, Where Art Thou
