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Pregnant Kate Middleton Ensures Peace and Tranquility for Small Island Kingdom

LONDON — The Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, revealed earlier this week that she is pregnant with her first child, a milestone that has been received by the people of…

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North Korea to World: You Know We’re Just Messing With You, Right?

PYONGYANG — For decades the North Korean government has perplexed the Western world with its bizarre, self-aggrandizing claims about its leaders and cultural history. The deeply isolated dictatorship’s state-controlled media has reported, among…

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Ninety Percent of Syria Without Internet, Other Ten Percent Report Faster Download Speeds

DAMASCUS, Syria — After continued conflict between government forces and freedom fighters, 90 percent of Syrians are without phone or internet connections, while the other 10 percent report blazing fast…

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Pope’s New Book Challenges Facts of Christmas, Birth of Jesus

VATICAN CITY — Just in time for Christmas, bestselling author Pope Benedict XVI is set to release “Jesus of Nazareth: The Infancy Narratives,” promising that the third volume in his…

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Netanyahu: Palestine was a Dress Rehearsal for Iran

TEL AVIV — After less than a week of peace in the Middle East, Israel has reignited tensions in the region by admitting the nation’s recent conflict with Palestine was…

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Syria Seeks to Compete in Middle Eastern Violence, Launches Public Relations Campaign

DAMASCUS — Taking advantage of the public relations opportunity created by the Hamas-Israel ceasefire, Syrian president Bashar al-Assad has launched a campaign to garner international attention towards his murderous campaign…

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Syria Agrees to “Take a Breather From All the Murders” During Next Week’s “X Factor”

DAMASCUS, Syria – President Bashar al-Assad and the rebels fighting to oust him agreed last week to a ceasefire during the Muslim holiday Eid al-Adha, which celebrates the end of…

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Saudi Woman Receives Death Penalty For Over-Seasoning Hummus

SAFWAH, Saudi Arabia– Saudi housewife Taja Al-Kazaz will be publicly executed in Deera Square following allegations that the suburban homemaker added too much pepper to a particular bowl of hummus.…

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Greece to Return to Classical Era

ATHENS – The Hellenic Parliament of Greece has unanimously voted to activate a time machine that will return the nation of Greece to its cultural and political zenith of 411…

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Pakistani Radicals Apologize for Protesting “Innocence of Muslims” Instead of Katherine Heigl Films

KARACHI, Pakistan — “’Innocence of Muslims’ was blasphemous but ’27 Dresses’ is heresy so grave that it makes American homosexuality seem pious,” said a street protestor in Karachi upon being…

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Actually Deposed Nigerian Prince Struggling to Find Online Friends

ABUJA, Nigeria — When Nigerian prince Clement Oxon was deposed in a military coup last March, he thought things could not get any worse. But when the ousted monarch reached…

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