Queen Elizabeth Posts A Tweet; The World Ceases To Exist In Response
“The Queen’s message snowballed and caused reactions from people in the majority of countries on all continents!”
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World
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Newslo, The Least Trusted Name In News, Your #1 source for political humor and satire. Find the latest news and latest updates from World section.
Traditional Chinese Liquor Coming To US: The First Wave Of An Invasion.
Chinese are known for having unconventional military methods and an “out of the box” approach should always be expected.
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The US President Pranked By The Ukrainian Prime Minister
Mr. President received a note that read “Got Ya! You Better Think Twice The Next Time You Feel Like Messing With My Country During the General Assembly.”
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ISIS Lobbying For Obama’s Third Presidency
ISIS is rumored to be interested in seeing Obama as president once again because they've managed to achieve more during his two terms than ever before; the general opinion of the militant group’s leaders is that “it shouldn't be fixed if it’s not broken”.
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News Crew Quarantined Under Order By Politicians Fearing Apocalypse
As shocking as this sounds, it seems that local officials were weary on taking the chance that the walking dead could, in fact, become a reality on the streets of New Jersey. While no names have been released, facts on the case have been made known to the public.
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Leafs Losing Revealed to be Rigged
CANADA- The famous failure of the Toronto Maple Leafs has been revealed to be a dirty game.
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Kim Jong Un Reportedly Suffers Complication Undergoing Liposuction to Feed His Starving Nation
Workers in the footage can be seen suckling on Kim’s discarded sweat rags for sustenance.
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U.S. Optimistic Weapons, Training to Syrian Rebels Will Not Be Turned on Them
“It’s hard to break out of time-tested tropes, but we’ll do our best.”
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ISIS Angry Most of Its Flags ‘Made in New Jersey’
“The Islamic State will not be labeled or otherwise boxed in by the Garden State,” read the jihadist organization’s message on Twitter.
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North Korea Launches Nation’s First Christian Rock Station
In a statement released Friday, Mr. Kim denied having ever invited Pope Francis to the launch party, and stated the launch of the missiles had nothing to do with Pope Francis’ visit to the South.
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British Airways Begins Serving Pet Food to Coach Travelers
“It’s all bollocks,” continued Lipton. “I don’t need to watch some poodle chasing a ball to calm my nerves. That’s what me pint of gin is for.”
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Christian Groups Finally Support Condoms for Africa After Ebola Outbreak Traced to Infant
“But Ebola is really scary, so we hope everyone else will wrap it up and quit making babies for a while.”
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Syrians Blame Ebola Outbreak on Assad in Bid to Reclaim International Attention
"Since chemical warfare really seemed to give us a lot of coverage the first time, we figured it could work again," Bourdwara explained. "I mean, the two are not that far apart, you know?"
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Seeking to Repair Its Image, Malaysia Airlines Becomes ‘Hindenburg Skyways’
“Yes, but at least we know what happened to that one. Also, and I cannot stress this enough, CNN isn’t giving the Hindenburg 24-hour coverage anymore.”
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Putin Remembers World War I by Preparing for World War III
Mitt Romney could not be reached for comment.
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Israel Promotes Solar Energy in Gaza by Destroying Its Only Power Plant
“We thought, ‘What Palestine needs right now is a little shove in the direction of green energy.’ We know they’ll thank us soon enough.”
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Ceasefire in Middle East Extends to John Kerry’s Mouth
At press time, bombings and attacks had recommenced between the two sides, but John Kerry had not officially offered any insight, a rare victory for Israelis and Palestinians alike.
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Conventional Farmers Say Organic Crops Lack Essential Pesticides, Add Too Much Flavor
“Sure, I may only reap two undersized strawberries per day, and my turnips might be a little funky-looking, but at least we’re doing it the healthy way.”
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Israeli Soldiers Return to Vacation in Gaza
“I love places with old scenery and maybe some squalor, like especially crumbling walls, and there’s definitely a lot of that to see here. It only gets better the longer we stay!"
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Samsung Defends Use of Child Labor: ‘They Have Better Grasp on Today’s Technology’
“Yeah we use child labor, so what?” remarked Lee. Our suicide rate is dramatically lower than Foxconn’s, so keep that in mind when you try to decide between the iPhone and the Samsung Galaxy.”
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Al-Maliki Vows to Return Iraq to Peace, Taps Saddam Hussein’s Daughter as Running Mate
Members of the reunited Republican Guard were seen at a local rally for al-Maliki passing out novelty Saddam-style moustaches and campaign paraphernalia emblazoned with the slogan, “Yes, BaghDAD Can!”
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Pope Says Only 2% of Catholic Priests Have Committed Pedophilia on Church Grounds
Asked what percentage of Catholic priests had committed pedophelia outside of a church, Pope Francis threw up his hands. “God has not chosen to grant me that data point,” he said.
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Egypt Convicts Biblical Scholars of Conspiring Against the Pharaoh
“We were thinking about retroactively convicting Louis Armstrong of conspiracy for singing that super depressing song, ‘Go Down, Moses.’ If he really knew Egypt, it would be, ‘Get down, Moses, and Boogie!’”
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Ex-French President Granted 10 Conjugal Visits During 15-Hour Detention
“I’m pretty sure it was his wife, anyway. She actually never gave her name. She’s blonde, right? No? No reason I asked.”
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