Home Today's Headlines Traditional Chinese Liquor Coming To US: The First Wave Of An Invasion.

Traditional Chinese Liquor Coming To US: The First Wave Of An Invasion.

“Chengdu, China – Many feel that vodka is one of the strongest and most dangerous alcoholic beverages on the planet. They’re wrong – Baijiu is the name of the Chinese traditional liquor that’s been around for at least a thousand years and it’s witnessing another renaissance throughout China.

That wouldn’t be so worrisome if it wasn’t for the conspiracy to subdue the Western free world with its potency; plans for it have been set in motion and “this incredible alcoholic recipe is scheduled to make a breakthrough on the American market very soon.

“Just for reference sake, “vodka typically has around 40% alcohol in it; Baijiu, and I’m talking about the mildest types, “has around 60%” says Jim Rice, an American who is currently running what happens to be the oldest surviving distillery on the planet.

“According to government statistics, more than 11 billion liters of Baijiu was drunk in China in 2013; while many justify the planned expansion of the age-old beverage to America by saying that it’s just a “wise and natural economic move”, not everyone agrees.

ATF spokesperson, Tom Ahern, says that, if allowed to enter the States, such a powerful alcoholic drink is bound to cause mayhem on the unsuspecting American citizens. “Our agents are in the field and gathering intelligence round the clock, but we’ve had problems with many of them falling under the influence of Baijiu after just one sip. It’s highly addictive and this is definitely what the Chinese government intends for all of us”, Ahern added.

There are rumors that Baijiu being exported to the US is only the beginning; the Chinese are known for having unconventional military methods and an “out of the box” approach should always be expected. After all, their national sport “Kung-Fu is known to have a style called “drunken boxing”.

Ahern also stated “imagine what would happen if we would let every country in the world export their harmful products to America; we’d be done with in a matter of months”.

Apart from Mr. Ahern, no other US agencies have made any official statements pertaining to the plans of the Chinese to seize the fragile American market. But, what hits close to home is the fact that the endeavor is led by an American citizen.
Has capitalism finally managed to commit suicide?

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