NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Sales
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
    • Life Insurance
    • Pet Insurance
    • Renters Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • New York

Chronic Fondler Finds Home at JFK as TSA Employee

  • October 7, 2012
  • NewsLo
  • No comments
  • 1 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

NEW YORK — Randy Green, a Queens resident and convicted sex offender guilty of public fondling, recently landed a job as a Transportation Security Administration employee at John F. Kennedy International Airport. Green, 56, who apparently suffers from a chronic compulsion to fondle the genitals of random passersby, applied for a job as a security official at the airport last month. The TSA promptly hired Green, noting that his innate desire to grab the testicles and breasts of complete strangers was an essential skill as a security agent.

“Randy’s a great TSA man who fit right in,” a TSA representative at JFK said this morning. “You never know when someone will try to hide a butterfly knife in their crotch, or a snub-nosed revolver in their cleavage, and we really need employees who aren’t shy about feeling people up.” Green, whose fondling experience includes three successful convictions of groping breasts in public and seven alleged instances of testicle-grabbing, now enjoys an official title within the TSA as a “resident genital frisker,” and is free to indulge in his compulsion professionally and without legal ramifications.

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • a Queens resident
  • airport security
  • chronic compulsion
  • groping breasts
  • guilty of public fondling
  • JFK
  • JFK Airport
  • job as a security official
  • John F. Kennedy International Airport
  • Makeup satire
  • News
  • Newslo satire
  • Political satire about the TSA
  • Privacy satire
  • Satire
  • satirical article about the TSA
  • societal satire
  • TSA
  • TSA satire
  • US
NewsLo

Previous Article
Congress After Hours: What Congress Is Doing When It’s Doing Nothing 1
  • Politics

Congress After Hours: What Congress Is Doing When It’s Doing Nothing

  • October 3, 2012
  • NewsLo
View Post
Next Article
Media Celebrates Record-Breaking 400th Homicide in Chicago with One-Minute Segment 2
  • Media

Media Celebrates Record-Breaking 400th Homicide in Chicago with One-Minute Segment

  • October 7, 2012
  • NewsLo
View Post
You May Also Like
New York Reading List
View Post
  • New York

Start Spreading The News: Your Essential New York Reading List

  • NewsLo
  • June 5, 2020
Rep. Tom Reed Suggests Increasing Military Budget “So The Poor Can Feel Safe And Stop Stealing Our Money For Their Health” 3
View Post
  • Featured
  • New York
  • New York Feature

Rep. Tom Reed Suggests Increasing Military Budget “So The Poor Can Feel Safe And Stop Stealing Our Money For Their Health”

  • NewsLo
  • June 5, 2017
Giuliani: “10% Of Our Black Population Is Jailed And Soon 100% Of Our Former Black President Will Join Them” 4
View Post
  • Featured
  • New York
  • New York Feature

Giuliani: “10% Of Our Black Population Is Jailed And Soon 100% Of Our Former Black President Will Join Them”

  • NewsLo
  • October 25, 2016
Franklin Graham: “NY Bombing Is God’s Way Of Intervening Just In Time To Save America From Hillary” 5
View Post
  • Featured
  • New York
  • New York Feature

Franklin Graham: “NY Bombing Is God’s Way Of Intervening Just In Time To Save America From Hillary”

  • NewsLo
  • September 19, 2016
Ted Cruz’s Yiddish Ad Calls To Vote For Him Because His “Meshugene Tuches Was Chosen By Jesus” 6
View Post
  • Featured
  • New York
  • New York Feature

Ted Cruz’s Yiddish Ad Calls To Vote For Him Because His “Meshugene Tuches Was Chosen By Jesus”

  • NewsLo
  • April 19, 2016
De Blasio Announces White House Bid; Clinton, Republicans Struggle to Respond 7
View Post
  • Featured
  • New York
  • New York Feature

De Blasio Announces White House Bid; Clinton, Republicans Struggle to Respond

  • NewsLo
  • April 24, 2015
Mayim Bialik Spends Holiday With Ex: “The Meaning Of Jewish Passover Really Is To Suffer For Your Kids” 8
View Post
  • Entertainment
  • Entertainment Feature
  • Latest Lies
  • New York
  • Religion

Mayim Bialik Spends Holiday With Ex: “The Meaning Of Jewish Passover Really Is To Suffer For Your Kids”

  • NewsLo
  • April 7, 2015
Rudi Giuliani: “For Obama, America Is The Same As Michelle – No Love, But No Other Option” 9
View Post
  • New York
  • New York Feature
  • Today's Headlines

Rudi Giuliani: “For Obama, America Is The Same As Michelle – No Love, But No Other Option”

  • NewsLo
  • February 19, 2015

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy

Input your search keywords and press Enter.