Civil War Losers Remind Drivers They Lost Civil War

RICHMOND, Va. — A group named the Virginia Flaggers have reignited the debate over the use of the Confederate flag after announcing their intention to raise the flag next to Interstate 95 just outside of Richmond, Virginia, to ensure that no one ever forgets that there was a civil war, and that the Confederacy lost.

“We just wanted to make sure that everyone remembered there was a Confederacy, and that they lost,” said Richmond Flagger Clarence Higgins. “Some of my family fought and died in that war, and it’s important to remember they were fighting to keep slavery legal. We should never be allowed to forget our ancestral shame.”

According to the Virginia Flaggers, “The flag will serve to welcome visitors and commuters to Richmond, and remind them of our honorable Confederate history and heritage.” As The Daily Beast notes, this heritage includes Confederate vice president Alexander Stephens proclaiming that “Our new government is founded upon… the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery, subordination to the superior race, is his natural and normal condition.”

Fellow Flagger Michael Malone of Newport News, Virginia, is in favor of the flags “so we never forget that we totally lost that war,” he said, adding, “the people of Richmond, Virginia were serious racist dicks back in the day. I, for one, want to make sure everyone who drives past this flag takes a moment to think about how messed up it is that they thought human beings could be judged by the color of their skin. And to thank God that nothing like that could ever happen again.”