NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Subscribe
NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Customer Service
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Sales
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • Media

CNN Hires Alex Jones to Boost Piers Morgan’s Ratings

  • January 9, 2013
  • News Lo
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

NEW YORK – “It is the most relevant we have been since the Gulf War” reads a leaked memo from CNN’s global headquarters. It appears that the slumping cable network (the third most watched, behind Fox News and MSNBC) has figured out that paying gun rights enthusiast and conspiracy theorist Alex Jones to rally for the deportation of Piers Morgan actually gets people to watch CNN.

Jones was paid to start a petition to get Morgan removed from U.S soil. The petition exploded in popularity, gaining over 100,000 signatures. While the network claims that it would have preferred gaining viewers by running exposes on wire-tapping and global warming, it understands that nothing stokes the passion of the American people like potential bans on military-grade assault rifles.

The hiring of Jones was so successful that CNN felt the need to put him on Morgan’s show. Network executives apparently beamed with delight as the Texan called Morgan a redcoat, an agent of a secret world government, and told him to get his “Jolly Roger.” Witnesses described CNN’s headquarters as “euphoric” when the channel’s workers realized that Jones’ antics had just bought them 24 hours of relevancy.

“CNN’s hard hitting honest reporting just doesn’t attract people the way the partisan bantering on MSNBC and Fox News does. We needed Alex Jones,” said CNN president Jeff Zucker.

The network is reportedly considering giving Jones his own show, one in which the Texan would shoot at Qurans with semi-automatic weapons while randomly quoting the constitution. “Anyone that lets us compete with Rachel Maddow and Bill O’Reilly will be given serious thought,” said Zucker.

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • 1776 will commence again
  • Alex Jones CNN
  • Alex Jones crazy rant on CNN
  • Alex Jones v. Piers Morgan
  • CNN Alex Jones
  • CNN rants
  • Humor
  • humor and satire
Avatar of News Lo
News Lo

Welcome to Newslo! Our team of dedicated authors strives to deliver the latest and most important info on finance while infusing a dose of our own style to give you a unique experience. Whether you're looking for in-depth discussions on investments or solid finance tips, we have something for everyone. Our goal is to deliver you the best possible content. So, keep reading our articles and give us your feedback!

Previous Article
  • Politics

Bullshit Now America’s Top Export

  • January 9, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
Next Article
  • Sports

Baseball Hall of Fame Rejects New Members, Starts Kicking Out Older Ones

  • January 10, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
2 comments
  1. Avatar of names r us names r us says:
    January 9, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    no source? this is bogus as hell.

    1. Avatar of Selena Cohen Selena Cohen says:
      January 9, 2013 at 9:04 pm

      From the Least Trusted Name in News. Ever heard of satire?

Comments are closed.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Navigating the world of finance, one step at a time.

Input your search keywords and press Enter.